Alone
by JustAGirlInACoffeeShop
Summary: She's worked for, revolved around, and loved the same man for as long as she can remember. Until she was given an opportunity to break free of the pattern – she took it. Although at first she flew and felt liberated from it all, inevitably, like Icarus, she plunged into the icy waters of despair. She's done with it all now. She's just done.
1. Red

_AN: Hey guys, new story - YAY! I have been watching suits forever and I love everything about it. I am thoroughly convinced that however much they want to push any relationship onto us, Harvey and Donna will be the endgame. 100%. PLEASE - I'm begging. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this. _

_Pairing: Harvey Specter and Donna Paulsen_

_Classic Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine, but the original content is. etc, etc. _

**Chapter One - Red**

It's been a while since she last thought of anything other than Steven betraying her and Harvey distancing himself from her. _Selfish and Embarrassing_ – she thought to herself. But it's true; it's been a while since Steven hasn't attacked her in her dreams and it's been an eternity since the last time Harvey comforted her or told her he cared. It's been a while since the last time she felt genuinely happy, but when she remembers her own smile, the only thing she can think of is the way Steven caressed her skin. _Revolting and Nauseating. _It's been a while since she last felt she could eat anything without feeling disgusted with herself – but she didn't feel hungry anyways.

Donne felt weak: unstable on her own feet and shaken by anything and everything. Yes, she hasn't been Donna in a while, but Harvey just didn't seem to notice, so she carried on with her charade: dragging herself to work after another sleepless night only to see Harvey and Scottie walk together into the building, almost happily.

Of course, as per everyday, Harvey won. He'd wanted to celebrate this particular night because she did, in fact, promise; she's been blowing him off every time, but this time, no excuses. After he'd sent Scottie back to her Manhattan flat – _Thank God they didn't live together yet – _Harvey came back to the office to proceed, as per their usual routine, only to find Donna asleep on her computer in her cubicle. Sighing, he walked closer to take a longer look at his overworked secretary. She seemed weary and jaded; her figure was noticeably thinner than just two months ago, her aura seemed downtrodden, and the twinkle in her eyes that he loved more than anything else was often not to be seen. Yes, she hasn't been Donna in a while, but Harvey just didn't want to point it out – thinking how scared he'd be if his suspicions were true. _A couple more minutes waiting wouldn't do me any harm. _He sat next to her on the side of her desk, attempting to reassure himself that she was fine.

She started mumbling quietly, but there was a sense of urgency in her quiet whispers. After a passing second, Harvey could make out the sounds "No, Stop. Please. No." It was disconcerting to see her so vulnerable, so fragile. It was even more disconcerting to feel an unquenchable thirst to hurt the person that did this to her. He had always been protective of her after all. He cared, maybe even a little more than he should.

Harvey placed a warm hand on her back, "Donna, wake up," shaking her slightly, "Donna." She flinched back and awoke, clearly startled and unstable, "Donna – it's me. You're okay. It's me."

"Harvey," she whispered in recognition. _Deep Breaths, Donna, Deep Breaths. That was a dream. _"Harvey," she placed her hand on top of his, "Let's go celebrate – big victory! You owe me at least five outfits for this one!" Her attempt to lighten the atmosphere obviously failed, but Harvey let her have this one – he could ask more after they were full with whiskey.

Even though the question on his lips about her health was obviously more pressing, he switched and laughed, "Of course, you can have a whole new wardrobe," She turned to look at him with a smile. "Come on – my office." Their hands were still links so he just pulled her up with one swift movement. She stumbled, leaving heavily on her cubicle – he looked at her with worry, but Donne quickly dismissed him with a wave of her arm.

"Harv, I'm fine, seriously," She walked ahead of him into the office, head held high, no stumbling, even though her body wanted to keel over and faint. After walking in she sat, unceremoniously, onto the large leather couch.

Harvey reached over her to grab a particular vinyl and set it on the record player while pouring them both a generous amount of McCallan. With Miles Davis playing in the background and the New York skyline defining the backdrop, things seemed perfect, like old times. He sat right next to her and let his arm drop on her shoulders, pulling her into him.

"Harvey," she said with a warning while untangling herself from his arms.

Quietly, he whispered into her ear, "I'm here for you, you know that right. You can tell me anything," he proclaimed, seriously – "Don't build a wall against me."

"I'm fine. Stop. Just drink your whiskey in silence," she said tiredly.

"Is this about Steven?" he pushed, sipping the alcohol.

"No, Harvey. Seriously," her hands went up exasperatedly.

"Donna – is it about Scottie?" he looked at her inquisitively.

"Harvey. Stop," she looked down at his nice leather shoes, "I don't think this was a good idea – we're not the same as we were." _Fall into his arms and cry. Let him be there for you. Kiss him and tell him everything. _Her thoughts were screaming at her, but she couldn't. Suddenly, she stood up, wavering slightly, "I'm going to go. See you tomorrow Harvey."

He was speechless. But it was Donna – if she wanted to go, who was he to stop her, however much he wanted to.

She made it halfway to Harvey's desk before she started feeling dizzy. Almost to the doors, her legs became jelly. Finally, the dizziness became vertigo and the jelly became water. The only thing she could do was hope that Harvey would catch her before she hit the ground.

Of course he was staring at her back. He first noticed her shaking, then walking in a strangely drunk crooked line; he was always on high alert around her. He noticed that she began closing her eyes as if she were going to faint. He stood up and rushed forward, hoping he would make it before she crashed onto the floor.

Harvey caught her in his arms and slowly sank down onto the carpet with her resting in his arms, "Donna!" She seemed unconscious, but she was still breathing and her pulse was thready, but there. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and was about to dial 911 when she brought a hand up to stop him.

"I'm fine Harvey. I'm fine. Just a little dizzy." _Obvious lie, "_Too much alcohol." _Another obvious lie – she didn't have any at all. _

"Something could be wrong – please let me take you to the hospital. You look pale." He was genuinely worried.

"Wow Harvey – just what every woman wants to hear," she quipped at him, "Besides. I'm naturally pale," she tried a smile.

He smirked at her attempt, "I just," he swallowed, serious again, "I just need you to be okay."

"I am fine. How many times have I said that already tonight?" She started standing up, but she felt as though she couldn't and leaned back down, "Damn it."

Harvey quickly wrapped an arm around her waist and slowly brought them both up from the floor, "Let me at least take you home"

Leaning into his strong arms, the proposition didn't sound half bad. But before she could respond, her stomach lurched and she gagged. Understanding, Harvey brought his trashcan over and held her hair while she kneeled and threw up the meager contents of her stomach.

She leaned back onto his chest, barely able to support herself, "You okay?" he asked carefully, while slowly running his hand through her firey red hair.

"Just take me home, okay?" She acquiesced to his proposition; not responding to his question because another 'I'm fine' would be blatant lying.

He wanted to ask what was wrong, but after seeing her pained expression, he didn't want to hurt her more than she already was, "Can you stand?" he asked cautiously.

Donna struggled to her feet and placed a hand on Harvey to balance herself. She nodded. Harvey slipped his right arm around her waist and held her left hand in his. Slowly, they made their way out of the office. Halfway to the elevator, she started slowing more and getting out of breath. Rather than let her push through, Harvey stopped and picked her up, wedding style – she was too tired to protest.

Ray was waiting for the two of them in front of the building. Harvey carried her into the car and lightly strapped her in. The driver seemed unbothered by the additional member on his car. After stepping out, Harvey told Ray, "Her place," he looked down at the beautiful redhead "Actually," he changed his mind, "Mine."

"Mr. Specter, if you don't mind me asking, is Ms. Paulsen okay?" Ray asked worriedly.

Harvey ran his hand through his gelled hair, "I don't know." He sighed.

Ray looked guilty, as if he knew something, "Ms. Paulsen usually walks to work from her apartment because it's close. She's been asking me to drive her before I pick you up. She's been staying later as usual as well and every day, she barely makes it to my door before nearly fainting. This morning, she," he paused, wondering whether or not to say, "she seemed unable to stand, so I tried to convince her to take a day off, but she wouldn't listen." The driver paused again, "I'm sorry Harvey, she made me promise not to tell you, but I should've. I should've." He berated himself.

Harvey was progressively getting paler as Ray recounted his story. Harvey was mad at himself for letting it get this far, afterall Donna had always been there for him, it was his job to be there for her. Whatever it was, he could fix it, he hoped. His fists clenched and unclenched in worry, "Thank you Ray. I know Donna can be quite persuasive. Thank you for telling me" Harvey slid into the backseat again.

Once again, Harvey wrapped his arms around her, but this time, she leaned into his warmth. Her whole body shook and her arms were clutching her abdomen protectively. "Thank you Harvey."

"Only for you," he smiled. Then, he covered her hands with his, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." She didn't meet his eyes.

"Donna…" his voice edged higher in concern.

"Nothing, promise. My stomach is just cramping a little," Harvey relaxed a little, "Seriously, stop worrying about me. I'm fine."

They sat together in comforting silence on the route home. When they reached Harvey's building, Donna finally concluded that this was in fact their final destination, "Harvey," she sighed exasperated, "I'm fine. Take me home," she pleaded, "Please Harvey."

"Donna, I just want to make sure you're okay. Humor me." He smiled, extending a hand for her to come out of the car, "Besides, you've slept over before," he stated with a smirk.

Sighing, she obliged – it was too much effort to fight Harvey and she was a little touched by his words, "Fine. Only today," She let Harvey help her out of the car.

"Thank you Ray, see you tomorrow." Donna waved at the driver.

"Always. Goodbye Ms. Paulsen, Mr. Specter." He tipped his hat to them both.

"Ray, It's Harvey." Harvey spoke out, but Ray only smiled. Both Donna and Harvey have tried with no avail to get the gentleman call them by their first names, but of course, they only got a smile in return.

Harvey turned to the redhead leaning on his arm, shivering even in her overcoat. He cloaked her with his own coat and encircled her with his arms, leading them into the lobby of the ornate building. In the bright lights of the lobby, he could see her ghostly pallor clearly and she could see his worry lines darken. One of her arms was still covered her stomach while the other clung to Harvey's upper arm. She could sense that she was going to ask her for the thousand's time whether or not she was okay, so she just preempted, "Harvey, I'm okay." She would say it again, for his benefit, regardless of how much her head pounded and her abdomen pressured her body to yield.

The elevator dinged and they walked in, Harvey's suite was at the very top, overseeing Manhattan's beautiful skyline, so the ride takes approximately ten seconds to finish.

For the first ten floors, she felt okay, normal even. At twenty, her headache turned into hundreds of woodpeckers and thousands of drills. But she still smiled back as Harvey took her hand and smiled at her. At thirty, her legs started feeling numb again and her lower back started feeling pressure. Forty – a sharp pain shot down her abdomen as she sank to the ground and moaned in agony. Harvey was dragged down, startled, but before he could react, the floor splattered with red and he became painfully aware that the red was coming from her.

The elevator doors opened at forty-eight.

_AN: I hope you enjoyed that. The next installment is coming soon. Please review - I love constructive criticism and questions, comments, concerns. They are the chicken soup for the writer's soul! _

_With love, _

_Shannon_


	2. Get it OUT of me

_AN: Hey guys, I hope you enjoy! Classic disclaimer: Characters aren't mine - including Addison and Derek(Grey's Anatomy) but the original content is. _

**_Chapter Two: Get it OUT of me_**

This was Armageddon. The only thing he could think of was the splatter of blood on the floor. His heart was beating up in his throat. Nothing registered when the elevator doors opened. He needed to go back down to the lobby.

"Donna," he whispered frantically under his breath. She was lying, unconscious, on the granite floor. Her hair sprawled messily around her pale visage; her hands remained unmoving by her sides; her figure bent unnaturally.

She needed to be okay. _Call 9-1-1. _His instincts finally kicked in; he reached into his pocket for his phone. The elevator started down again after he pressed "L" for Lobby. The pool of blood under her abdomen was progressively growing larger and larger. _Ring Ring Ring _

"Hello – this is emergency response; how may I assist you today?" The operator asked, devoid of expression.

"1974 1st Street, New York City. I'm in the elevator of the apartment building. My friend fainted. There's blood pooling around her torso. She's still breathing." Harvey paused to feel her pulse, "Her pulse is thready, but there."

The operator jumped up into action, "We'll be right there – You're right next to Mt. Sinai Hospital. Get out of the elevator to the lobby. If you can move her, wait right outside the building."

"Okay," Harvey hung up. The elevator dinged again, announcing its arrival at the lobby. He looked at her face again, blanching. Her lips seemed bereft of color and her face was almost ashen. He suspected that she knew something was wrong, but didn't tell him. The blood stained her dress; the white became a gorgeous, but morbid fiery red. Wrapping an arm around her torso and another around her shoulders, he carried her for the second time that night. She was so light. He could feel her shallow breathing and her faint heartbeat under his fingertips. Harvey obviously was terrified, but he focused on the relief in realizing that she was still alive.

As he ran out of the elevator, he thought frantically about what could have happened, without avail. He'd ignored her to appease Scottie; he should have noticed. She needed him and he wasn't there. As he moved outside, she bled onto his cuffs and soiled his shirt with red.

The ambulance arrived at the front of his apartment building. She lied limp in his arms as the medical practitioners brought forward a gurney. The men stared at him, at the blood dripping onto the concrete, at the petrified look on his face, and at the beautiful woman in his arms. Suddenly, they jumped into action. Chaos. The gurney was brought forward and Harvey gingerly placed her onto the makeshift bed. He stood by, helpless, as they moved her onto the ambulance while simultaneously placing a breathing mask on her face and taking her vitals.

Harvey quickly scrambled in after them, his heart beating against his rib cage. Shakily, he asked, "Is she okay?"

"Too early to tell. She lost a lot of blood." The doctors answered curtly.

Harvey breathed in and out. In and out. Seconds passed as he could only stare at her fragile frame. She was going to be okay. She had to be. The ambulance arrived at the hospital. The emergency response team was able to stabilize her heart rate and staunch the bleeding a little, but their attempts to cease the bleeding were futile.

As they pulled up to the entrance, two doctors were fully scrubbed, waiting for them. Addison and Derek Shepherd – Harvey recognized them. Years ago, Addison was sued for malpractice and of course, Harvey represented her and won. They all, including Donna, became good friends after the trial. The ambulance doors opened and Harvey stepped out first, into an embrace from Addison, "I don't know what happened. She just fainted. Then blood."

"It's okay. We got her." Addison spoke encouragingly, "You're God in the courtroom. We're God here, in the OR."

An intern ran up next to the surgeons, "Trauma Room 2 is yours."

"Okay – Let's go." Addison motioned for the gurney to be brought next to her; they sprinted inside to the room, "On my count. 1-2-3." Donna was lifted up onto the bed.

"She's tachycardic, losing too much blood. Systolic 100 – She's hypertensive." The intern shouted to the head surgeon, asking what to do.

"We need to stop the bleeding. Hang one of O-neg. Get extra blood prepared," Derek answered, placing his stethoscope on her heart.

"What's wrong? Is she okay?" Harvey demanded, frantically.

"Harvey, we need to concentrate. Wait outside."

"Addie, Derek. She needs to be okay."

"Get him out of here." Derek told the intern who immediately jumped into action, speaking softly and pushing Harvey out the door.

"No. No. I'm not leaving. She needs me." Harvey objected, shoving the intern aside.

"Harvey. I can't do this with you in here. If you want the best care for her, wait outside. I promise we'll keep you informed." Addison placated him, looking up from her spot at Donna's abdomen.

"Okay. Fine." Harvey was a reasonable man. He knew when to push and when not to push. He needed to trust Addison and Derek as they trusted him in the trial. The intern went outside with him.

"It doesn't look like a blunt trauma. The doctors are the best in their fields. I'm sure Ms. Paulsen will be okay. Please wait in the area over there." The intern explained, hoping to put out some of Harvey's fire.

Addison's voice rang out, "Edwards! I need an ultrasound and a portable X-ray, STAT."

"I will come update you every thirty minutes to an hour." The intern ran off to get the ultrasound her mentor required, leaving Harvey alone in a room full of sick patients.

He sank down onto the ground, feeling as though he failed in all definitions of the word. Donna is the one person he knew he could always count on, regardless of whatever scandal happened in the past years with Cameron, with Steven, with the discarded piece of evidence. He always could count on her and she always could count on him. That was their relationship. That was how they worked. She never abandoned him when she was in a relationship; she never distanced herself. How could he have done it to her? Harvey's head dropped between his knees. This was not how he imagined the night to end.

For the first time in nearly a month, Donna agreed to stay with him and to celebrate. He missed that. The distance was his fault the first month; he was so enthralled with Scottie and keeping Scottie happy that he just ignored, not purposefully, Donna's hardship. It was as if he had forgotten that Steven ever existed while Donna was going through so much. The second month, he'd missed her snarky remarks and he'd wanted Donna at his side more that he wanted Scottie because Scottie was attached and jealous and sometimes annoying. But at that point, Donna had accepted his relationship with Scottie and started turning inside, losing herself in her mind.

Now he was sure that she was shaken, depressed by what happened with that insolent bastard Steven. Harvey remembered the constant look of fatigue on her face and her petrified expression when he woke her up from the nightmare just earlier that night. He had failed to protect her, something he had vowed to do since the DA's office.

Ten minutes later Derek walked up to him from the trauma room and sat down next to him, taking the scrub cap off of his head. Harvey looked up expectantly. "This is more of Addie's department. I'm not much help," Derek admitted.

Addison is a double board certified, gynecology and maternal fetal medicine, world-class neonatal surgeon. Harvey's head shot up at Derek's statement, "WHAT."

"Look Harvey, don't freak out. Addison is still assessing it. She was able to stop the bleeding," Derek tried to judge Harvey's expression, but as always, Harvey maintained a great poker face, "It looks like either an ectopic pregnancy or a molar pregnancy." Derek reached out to grasp Harvey's arm, "It's going to be okay. It's Addison we're talking about here."

"I know. It's just that asshole who did this to her – I want to smash his head against the walls in his prison cell and leave him to bleed to death," Harvey declared passionately while Derek sat by him, waiting for any news together as a sign of solidarity.

"I'm sorry Harvey," the neurosurgeon answered, "She's going to be okay."

Addison barged out of the door in another ten minutes, "Harvey – we were able to stabilize her blood pressure and stop the bleeding. It's a molar pregnancy, which means that the egg wasn't fertilized correctly and thus a mass of cells formed in her uterus. I need to perform a D&C. It's not detrimental right now and I don't want to risk any additional blood loss so I think we should wait until tomorrow to proceed." She paused

"What else?" Harvey asked.

Addison sighed, Harvey always could read people when they were hiding something, "She told me about Steven a couple weeks ago. After the whole ordeal, she was feeling depressed, but I didn't realize it got this far."

"Addie, what do you mean by that?" Harvey asked, rising to meet her eyes.

"Just come in. She'll wake up soon and we'll make a decision about treatment plans then." Addison led Harvey and Derek into another room, a patient room.

The nurses and interns left the room unceremoniously after they entered and the jarring light focused on her abdomen was turned off, leaving only the normal lights in the room. But Harvey didn't notice any of that. Donna had been changed from her long sleeve white dress into a revealing hospital gown, without sleeves and paper thin. On her exposed arms, he could see that the doctors had to look hard for a point to insert their needle because the entire length was covered with scars, some relatively fresh other only scabs. The skin seemed ripped and sagging by multiple cuts, obviously self inflicted. Bruises ran along her body as if she tried to hurt herself, which was probably true. There was no evidence of pregnancy that was obviously pretty far along considering the fact that it had been two months since Steven was put away.

He could only stand by the doorway as his eyes examined her figure. She was still beautiful, scars and all, but she was damaged, fragile. He'd never seen her that way and he hoped to never see it again.

"Harvey," Addison's voice broke the silence, "Are you okay?"

"That question should not be directed to me," he answered, walking forward to grasp Donna's hand. She stirred, moving her hand a little.

Derek walked forward again to put his stethoscope on her chest, "Breathing seems steady. She should be waking up. We didn't put her under any sedatives."

"Donna? It's okay. It's me, Harvey. Feel free to wake up soon," Harvey spoke softly, while caressing her hair.

Donna's eyes fluttered open. She mumbled, "Harv…" then flexed her fingers in Harvey's grasp, "Harv, what happened?" Donna looked into Harvey's hazel eyes then directed her attention to her surroundings, "Addie, Derek," she said, surprised and flustered.

Addison came besides her and slowly moved the bed to a sitting position, "Donna," she said softly, "Harvey brought you in two hours ago. You were unconscious and bleeding profusely," she paused to let Donna take in the information, "You have a molar pregnancy."

Donna's grip on Harvey tightened as she paled, "Okay. Perform a D&C," she said, maintaining an unwavering voice. Harvey was amazed that she knew what was supposed to happen – it seemed she was knowledgeable in everything.

"You lost a lot of blood. I want to wait until tomorrow when you're stronger so I don't cause any more damage," Addison replied.

"Please just get it out of me," Donna's voice cracked, showing the slightest inclination of breaking, "Please Addie, just do it."

"Donna. You're too weak right now," Addison tried to reason with her.

"Addie, please. You know how much I hate hospitals," Donna started breathing harder and the monitor by her bedside indicated that her heart rate was increasing, "Get it out of me," she demanded.

Noticing the tears that started to form by the corners of her eyes and her labored breathing, Harvey slipped in beside her and started rubbing her back, whispering comforting words, "Breathe Donna. I'm right here. Addie wants to make sure that you'll be okay."

"Harvey, if you want me to be okay, then make her get it out of me. Get me out of here. Get me," her breathing turned ragged, "Get me… Out of here," Donna clung onto Harvey's body, "Get it out of me, please."

Addison and Derek came closer, "Donna, We need to stabilize your heart rate. Breathe okay? Breathe. Deep breaths," Addison breathed in and breathed out, motioning for Donna to do the same.

In between the wheezes, Donna inhaled and exhaled as best she could to calm herself down, "Please just do it, okay. I want to go home, Harvey."

"Okay, okay." Harvey placated while running his fingers through her hair.

"I'll schedule an OR," Addison announced, motioning for Derek to leave with her.

Harvey nodded, "Thank you." He focused on Donna, "I'm here for you. I'm here for you," he ran his left hand gingerly along her scarred arm while gazing into her eyes. "It's going to be okay."

_AN: En fin. I hope you enjoyed that. I have the next couple chapters planned out, but I'm not sure where I'm going with the story. Please _review - I would love some thoughts about how to maneuver them into lover's land.

_Love, _

_Shannon_


	3. Inhale, Exhale

_AN: Writing this chapter was hard. I'm not sure why because it isn't particularly painful to read. (There are more of those to come) It's just, I don't know. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!_

**Inhale, Exhale**

They sat together on the hospital bed in that same position for what seemed like hours. Harvey arms were wrapped around her shoulders and hers were wrapped around his stomach. Slowly he began loosening his grip to caress her red hair, but she stayed unmoving, buried in his chest and cocooned in the safety of his arms. Her sobs and ragged breathing began to subside slowly as Harvey ran his hand comfortingly along her back.

"Thank you Harvey," Donna whispered shakily. He just held her tighter in his arms, trying to subdue her trembling. "I mean, you must be wondering whether I'm leading a train of one night stands or I'm carrying Steven's dead baby," she choked on another sob.

"Donna, don't do this. Don't beat yourself up please," he loosened his grip again to look into her eyes. She immediately averted her gaze, "Look at me Donna." Harvey brought his arm between them and used a finger to lift up her chin, "It's okay. It's going to be okay."

"It was," she looked down, "It was Steven's. I'm carrying a murderer's child" Hastily, she tried wiping her tears away before Harvey saw them, but he noticed. Donna could see Harvey's enraged expression, "I'm sorry Harvey. It's my fault. I shouldn't have trusted him." She broke down into painful heart-wrenching sobs again, "I shouldn't have."

"No, do not apologize" Harvey's gruff angry voice rang out. "I'm only going to say this once more, it was not your fault," he wiped away her tears. He softened again, seeing her terrified expression again, "Donna, I promise you it's going to be okay. I'm right here."

Maybe it was the fact that Harvey was there or maybe it was how hospitals make her vulnerable, but Donna told him everything, "I loved him Harvey; I could have lived my life with him then and now I'm disgusted with myself. I can't sleep because he's all over my body in my nightmares. I wasn't raped. I made love to a murderer. I let him do everything because I liked him and I imagined a future with him. But now, I feel violated. I feel dirty." Harvey clenched and unclenched his fist at that, but then pulled her in closer to him deciding that anger would not help her. Donna attempted to control her breathing again, "I didn't know there was a baby. If Steven was who I thought he was, I might have even wanted the baby. Harvey, I am disgusted with myself."

"It's okay," Harvey soothed; she'd been through a lot.

"No, it's not. You were right," she answered fiercely, "I'm sorry." She released her hold on Harvey and punched her stomach once before Harvey's stopped her and help her wrist tight in his. "I don't want to live Harvey!" She tried to struggle away from him, "I'm sorry."

"Stop it Donna," she hit him on the chest, "Stop it. Please don't hurt yourself. Please."

His 'please' caught her attention because it was so raw, so terrified, as if he cared for her, "I can't stand it anymore Harvey; I feel defiled and dirty and so vulnerable," Donna whispered the last couple words. "I just can't. The pain," she gestured at the wounds on her arms and the bruises on her body, "the pain erases the feelings, which hurt more. I just don't want to be here anymore."

Donna let Harvey bring her arms to her sides. Harvey kissed her forehead and cupped her face, "You're with me. I will protect you."

"From myself? From the whole world?" Donna asked skeptically. Harvey didn't have an immediate answer for her, so Donna continued. "I can't stand living with myself anymore. And I know what a D&C is because I've had one before. And I was in love before. And I hate hospitals, especially this one, because I lost everything here before and it's claustrophobic in these white washed boxes and I can't stand the smell of death hanging above me."

"Hospitals don't bode well for me too, Donna," Harvey added quietly.

"Then why are you here?" Donna bit back, "Leave." She untangled herself as best she could and looked away at the empty chair on the other side of her room. "I don't need you."

"No. I will not leave, Donna," He extricated himself from the cold hospital sheets. Donna shivered from the loss of her source of warmth. Thinking that he had actually left, she curled up into a ball and buried herself into the blanket. "Donna, I won't leave you," Harvey emphasized as he moved over to the other side of the bed, where she was facing. He places a hand on her shoulder and slowly removed the cover from over her head to look into her eyes. Tears streaked across her face and sobs escaped from her mouth; she closed her eyes, refusing to look at him.

"Go away Harvey; go to Scottie," she turned to the ceiling; not wanting to face the hurt look that she knew would be on his face.

He pinned her down, trapped her in his arms. He stood on the same side of the bed, one arm on each side of her; his eyes staring directly at her, "Donna, I won't leave you, okay?"

She was trembling, "Harvey, please stop," she begged quietly, "Please stop." Images from her nightmares popped up in her head when she was surrounded and she was scared into paralysis; she couldn't defend herself in those terrible dreams. It felt terrifying even though the words coming out of Harvey's mouth were so different from the ones from nightmare Steven's.

Harvey lifted his arms up and stood, next to the bed, "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" He must have triggered a memory with his aggressive position.

"It's okay," she managed shakily. _Deep breathes. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale_. She tried to clear her head of those images of her on an alleyway floor and Steven standing on top of her, of Steven breathing the terrible things he was going to do to her into her ears. Her hands came up to her ears, trying to block out the non-existent sounds. Her eyes squeezed shut, letting nothing in. She wanted to scream, but her vocal cords failed her.

"Whatever you're seeing, it's not real," Harvey voice pierced through the images in her mind, they wavered then shattered onto the ground, "It's not real. You're safe, I promise. You're safe."

She opened her eyes again, her hands still on her ears. Harvey's hands were still up, above his head and he was walking toward her slowly, as if approaching a gazelle in the savanna. Harvey. Finally, her brain registered that it was Harvey. Just Harvey in a hospital room. He was as close as he could be, without touching her. He reached over to the hand on her right ear, closest to him, and slowly moved it off her face, grasping it in his, "Donna, I promise you; you're safe here." He ignored the scars on her arms and just focused on her eyes, her beautiful eyes.

_Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. _She stared into his hazel eyes, using them as a lifeline in a sea of nightmares; he stopped her from falling into oblivion. _Inhale. _She always loved his eyes, they spoke when words failed him. _Exhale. _They were telling her how much he cared, how much he needed her, how much he worried. _Inhale. _There was something else that she couldn't quite place, a flicker in his eyes that exposed vulnerability. _Exhale. _Some things can be left for time to uncover.

They stayed like that, locked in each other's eyes, until Donna found her voice and broke the silence, "Can you hold me?" she asked quietly. Their connection, through their hands wasn't enough to calm her heart down. She wanted to feel protected again. As revolting as it seemed, Steven protected her in his arms. Steven used to be warm until he turned against her. Donna wanted that feeling of stability and comfort again.

Harvey lifted the comforter and sat down on the bed, this time, removing his shoes and his suit jacket, making the blood stains on his white shirt even more prominent. Neither of them cared about that then. Harvey turned into the bed, wrapping both his arms around her and letting her rest on his chest. She finally allowed her emotions to flood herself and allowed Harvey to help her carry some of the burden.

Half an hour later, that's how Addison found them, glued together, wrapped in each other's arms. The sight alone brought tears into her eyes, which was strange because nothing truly tragic had happened; the baby was never real, never wanted. But she supposed, the love between Harvey and Donna was finally shown. It was so obvious to anyone, except for the two people lying together on the same bed.

"Donna, it's time," Addison walked into the room after wiping her eyes, "The OR is ready."

"Okay," Harvey answered for Donna, who was still laying motionless on him, "Donna," he ran a hand through her hair, "Donna, come on. Let's get you out of here, okay?"

Donna nodded slowly and let go of Harvey, allowing him to get out of the bed, "You'll be there right?" she asked vulnerably, grasping onto his hand.

"Yes. Through the whole thing," he looked at Addison, asking for her permission to be in the OR. Addison nodded a yes, knowing that Donna would still be conscious under a local anesthetic.

"Okay. I'll see you guys in the OR," Addison motioned for the nurses to bring Donna in while departing to the scrub room on the OR floor. She walked away purposefully into the attending locker room, not expecting anyone to be there in the dead of night. It was like four AM after all. She wiped away a tear and walked straight into her husband.

"Addie, what's wrong?" He put down his cup of coffee and embraced her, seeing the tears in her eyes.

"Nothing Derek," She choked on a sob, "I mean, I should be used to it. This one wasn't even a real child, ever. Just a mass of cells." She sank into his embrace, "I hate performing D&Cs – it always means the end of a life. And it's Donna and Harvey." Addison breathed deeply, "I'm okay. Why are you still here anyways?"

"No reason," Derek smiled.

"You're spying on me!" Addison hit him square on the chest, "Derek!"

He smiled again; her punches really don't do anything, "I just want to make sure you're okay." Derek brought her into his chest again, "Do you want me to be there with you?"

"No, it's okay," She played with his curly hair, "It's just really hard, seeing Donna and Harvey in that much pain. I know it's not even their child and they aren't even together. But, Donna is hurting because of that asshole Steven and Harvey can't deal with Donna in pain. They're like a tragic romance." She sighed.

"They will come around eventually, maybe even soon because Harvey will realize how much Donna means to him. They'll find each other if they're meant to be. I mean we found each other," Derek kissed her, "I'll be there with you. It'll be okay, I promise."

Addison's pager beeped, "It's time to go." She sighed and untangled herself from his arms.

Derek caught her wrist again and whirled her into his arms, kissing her again passionately, "You're going to be great in the OR, as always. I promise." He covered her hands with his. "I love you."

"I love you too," she kissed him again, "Now let's go." They walked to the scrub room and washed their hands completely, "Everything is going to be okay."

Together they entered into the OR, prepared and ready to go. "Hey Donna, are you feeling alright?" Addison asked, squeezing the hand not occupied by Harvey.

"Yeah, I think I'm okay," Donna looked at Addison then focused on Harvey.

"Okay, let's go then," Addison set up in a stool by the foot of the operating table, "I'm going to put you under a local anesthetic, so you'll be awake, but you won't feel anything. I promise."

"Okay," Donna nodded, squeezing Harvey's hand.

"I'm going to be here the whole time, okay?" Harvey ran his hands through her hair, "I'm going to be here the whole time." She smiled bravely up at Harvey.

After the procedure, Donna's body was so worn out that she passed out again. Harvey was assured that it was normal and she would be okay. The procedure went smoothly without complications and a full recovery was expected. They stood together in her room, waiting for her to wake up.

"Look, I want to monitor her for another day, but I know Donna won't agree to that so I'll discharge her when she wakes up. But Harvey, you need to make sure she's not doing anything strenuous. She was weak in the first place because she," Addison paused. Self-harm and eating disorders were not easy topics to cover, "she…" There was something else too.

"I get it Addie. You don't have to say it," Harvey stated.

_You probably don't. _Addison thought. Donna's accident nearly twenty years ago, when she herself was only an intern; once Harvey met Addison, Addison was sworn into secrecy. Addison sighed, continuing, "She's going to be in a pain. Depending on the patient, it goes from mild cramps to not being able to stand up. I know it's going to be hard so just look after her," Addison looked up from her clipboard, worried, "Is that okay with you Harvey?"

"Yeah," Harvey shook hands with Derek and hugged Addison, "Thank you."

Harvey went back into the room after the doctors departed, sitting on the uncomfortable chair and staying alert for signs of her awakening. He brought the chair closer to her bed so he could hold her hand. He ran a hand along her scars; they frightened him. Some were raw and fleshy, others weeks old and fading. Harvey turned to her face, noticing again that her dark circles were showing through her 'no makeup' makeup and the worry lines around her eyes deepened significantly. Her entire body showed signs of self inflicted physical abuse and psychological damage, something he hated seeing. He sighed as he smoothed back her hair, which was a little damp from her anxiety during the procedure; she'd held onto his hand as if it were for dear life.

Suddenly, her hand twitched in his. She mumbled something incoherent resembling what she'd said in the office while asleep. Harvey had hoped that the sedative induced slumber would yield an empty, peaceful sleep, but he was obviously wrong. She was trapped again, waiting to be released from the grasps of her dreams. "Donna, Donna, wake up," he tried, "Wake up. It's okay. You're okay." She continued trembling in her dreams until finally, she jolted awake. Her eyes opened immediately and she withdrew her hand from Harvey's grasps, unaware of who was touching her.

She came to the conclusion that every time she closed her eyes, nothing good could come out of it. Noticing that Harvey was sitting next to her, she reached out again, wanting to feel grounded in reality.

"Are you okay, Donna?" Harvey asked, worriedly while stroking her hair.

"Yes, just a dream," she answered nervously, "I'm fine. Was the procedure successful?"

"Everything went smoothly," Harvey smiled and squeezed her hand. "Addison will be back to explain some things, then you'll be discharged."

"Donna, you're awake," Addison appeared at the doorway, "I just wanted to check on you guys," she walked closer to the bed, "Are you feeling okay? Any pain, nausea?"

"Not yet," Donna answered sincerely.

"Okay. Good," Addison smiled, "The procedure went well. No complications or anything out of the ordinary. We were able to get all of the tissue from your uterus. However, this is a blind procedure so it's possible there is some left. But, I'm the best so the chance of that is not high," the doctor drew a small laugh from the two occupants of the room. "There's going to be light bleeding, so wear a pad – no tampons. And there's going to be a lot cramping and pain. If it gets unbearable or if you have fever or if you faint, call me immediately," Addison looked pointedly at Harvey, knowing Donna always preferred to brave any pain alone. "Any questions about the D&C?"

"No," Donna answered. "When can I leave? Not that I don't love you, it's just that I really hate hospitals."

Addison smiled at Donna's question, "Soon. Just one more thing – you have anemia and low blood sugar. It's probably caused by the blood loss coupled with any stress you've been having recently. You really need to eat something and get lots of rest because if one of these things I've listed starts to get severe, there will be repercussions in other areas." Donna looked away from Addison as she said those words.

"Okay Addie," Donna looked up again, "Now discharge me."

"Take care of yourself okay?" Addison noted while passing Donna the papers to sign.

"I will," Donna answered as a nurse wheeled in a wheelchair, "No wheelchairs, I'll be fine." She threw open the covers and stepped onto her feet. As she stood, she let out a gasp in pain before crumpling onto the ground.

"Donna!" Harvey and Addison both rushed forwards, kneeling down besides her, "Are you okay?" Harvey asked, worried. "Does anything hurt?"

"I'm fine Harvey," she said exasperated, "Just help me up," she brought her arms, motioning for Harvey to wrap her in his arms and let her lean on him. He lifted her up like he would lift his little niece into his arms, placing her gently onto the bed with her legs dangling down off the sides.

"Donna, let me make sure you're okay," Addison asked as she brought out her stethoscope.

"I'm fine. I just wasn't ready for the floor. I can walk myself out," Donna answered, stubbornly refusing Addison's request. "I can do it." Donna tried to get up again, testing out each foot individually, and then standing up while leaning her back onto Harvey, "See! I told you." Then Donna doubled over, gasping; the pressure on her back multiplied exponentially and she felt like her abdomen was being ripped into two pieces as the cramp hit her.

"Donna, Don't panic," Addison helped Harvey move Donna slowly back onto the bed, "Don't panic. This is normal." She used her stethoscope to check Donna's heart rate then palpated the abdomen to check for any abnormal hardness. "Normally patients don't feel any true cramps until the third day but the severe pain may be because of your anemia and the D&C together. You'll be in much less pain if you don't move. Use a wheelchair, okay?"

Donna nodded through deep breaths, trying to overcome the pain. Harvey could only hold her hand and watch the cramps ransack her body. "Harvey, help me get up again. I don't want a wheelchair. We can make it to the car." Harvey tried to protest but Donna silenced his worries before they were said, "I will be okay. Just help me get through this okay."

It was Donna and Donna was the only person he would acquiesce to. So he draped the coat over her and helped her up as she sucked in her breath and braved the waves of pain that coursed through her body. His right arm found it's way around her waist and his left hand held hers tightly. Donna leaned most of her weight against him and they slowly moved forward together as one unit.

Addison watched quietly. The scene was moving; the two were so obviously in love. The way Harvey carefully handled Donna and made sure she was comfortable. The way Donna trusted Harvey and leaned on Harvey. The way Harvey worried about her and she him. Suddenly, the doctor side in her kicked in, "I'm prescribing these painkillers and don't forget the follow up appointment in two weeks," she called after their retreating figure, holding a doctors' prescription pad in her hand.

"Thank you Addie. I'll see you soon," Donna smiled through her obvious discomfort and graciously accepted her prescription. Harvey tried to smile too, but it turned out like an awkward grimace. Addison knew that he hated to see Donna in so much pain. Donna turned back to the route out of the hospital and leaned heavily on Harvey. She almost wanted to acquiesce to a wheelchair, but there was something about them that made her feel weak and vulnerable; she hated that so she kept moving as Harvey maneuvered them slowly out the door to Ray's car.

_En Fin_

_AN: I tried to depict their mutual trust in this one. They don't have to be in love here; they just have to be willing to go to the ends of the Earth for each other and do anything for each other. I tried. Please tell me if I crashed and burned. _

Love,

Shannon


	4. Anesthetic

_AN: Hey guys - New update. I'm actually really excited. This one is a lot of fun for Harvey and Donna shippers, like me. _

_To the guest who doesn't ship Addek: I'm so sorry if I angered your merder shipping heart. I really like merder too - it was just really convenient to put Addison and Derek there. They were the only doctors I knew of in NY before and I really loved their love story(pre-GA). You have to admit, Derek's song for Addison was beautiful and their "young and in love" moments were awe inspiring. I hope you keep on reading because this story is obviously not about Addek, it's about Donna and Harvey. If I get 5+ reviews saying that Addek is bad for this story, I will remove it and recreate the scene, does that seem fair?_

_To all the reviewers: Thank you so much for your kind words. They truly make me feel great about writing. If any of you have ideas regarding the story, please do tell. _

**Anesthetic**

His phone rang, then beeped, and then rang again. Every time Harvey would remove one arm from it's resting place wrapped around her, give the phone one glance, and then put it away. Donna sat curled up against Harvey, trying to bear the pain that shot through her abdomen. It was fading away and it felt better than it did ten minutes ago, however Donna still felt like she was teetering on the edge of consciousness. His warm hands pressed around her lower back alleviated the pressure a little, but his comforting words did little to detract from the ever-present pain.

Ding! Ding! Harvey looked at the screen, sighed exasperatedly, and then put it away.  
"Harvey, answer your phone," Donna commanded, "The incessant ringing is giving me a headache and," she moaned, pausing to allow another cramp run its course, "and I'm your secretary. It's making me nervous when your phone keeps on going."

He looked at her worriedly and flicked a hair away from her face before answering, "Here, I'll just turn it off," Harvey said while adjusting his position so she didn't end up on the seatbelt buckle.

"No!" Donna grabbed the phone from him. Scottie's name flashed across the screen multiple times. Donna slowly moved away from Harvey, recognizing that it wasn't her place to be so close to him. "She's worried," Donna noted, "Go to work. I'll be fine."

"Donna," Harvey answered, pulling her closer again, "I'm not leaving."

"Mike needs you too, see," Donna showed him Mike's message. It read, "Way to ditch work. What should I do?"

He sighed, then grabbed the phone from her, "I'll reply, okay?"

"We're here," Ray's voice rang out as he stopped in front of Harvey's building and opened Donna's car door. She sighed in realizing the location, but didn't even bother arguing, knowing that Harvey would not let her out of his sight because of Addison's words and because of the scars on her arms. Harvey quickly typed back to both Scottie and Mike before helping Donna's unsteady fingers unbuckle the seatbelt. Harvey stepped out through his door and came around to the other side. Donna took Harvey's outstretched hand and slowly moved forward, bringing both feet out the door. Not trusting her legs, Donna pressed hard against Harvey's hand and pushed herself onto her feet. She seemed stronger than earlier, but Harvey still wrapped an arm around her and shouldered some of her weight.

"Thank you Ray. I'm going to go grocery shopping in an hour. I'll see you then," Harvey nodded to his driver who nodded back with a dip of his fedora.

"Grocery shopping?" Donna asked skeptically, but even her sarcasm lacked its bite and carried exhaustion.

Harvey smiled, "I'm going to cook for you." He steered them inside the apartment building.

"I'm going to videotape this and put it on Facebook," she smiled back, leaning further into him as the small distance of walking plagued her with fatigue. It was all she could do to make it to Harvey's couch before collapsing. Between the cramps, the headache, and the lower backache, she wasn't sure which one would do her in first.

Her expression must have shown her distress because Harvey immediately sat down next to her, "Is there anything I can do?"

She didn't answer for a moment, squeezing her eyes shut and finding Harvey's hand. "The cramp passed," she leaned on him again, "That one wasn't as bad." Harvey wrapped his arms around her abdomen, finding that the warmth of his hands lessened her pain. "Do you have any painkillers? Not Advil, cause that would make me bleed. Preferably Vicodin."

"No, but Addison prescribed hydrocodone. I'll go get that for you," Harvey answered, beginning to release his hold on Donna.

"No," Donna clung to Harvey, "It's not that bad. Just stay. Without the cramps, it's almost normal now."

"What do you mean normal? The nerve popping on your temple indicates bad headache and your hand supporting your back indicates back ache," Harvey touched the nerve on her temple and proceeded to run his hand through her hair. "I really hate seeing you in pain."

"I have chronic headaches and back aches come with the menstrual cycle so I'm used to it," Donna argued back.

"This is different."

"How?" Their loud banter caused her pulsating migraine to show its full colors. Donna had ignored the warning signs – the weakness, the nausea, and the stiffness – now she was feeling the full-blown effects. She pressed her hands against the sides of her temple and she buried her head into Harvey's chest, trying to block out sound and light. Donna wished Harvey didn't live in a glass apartment so close to the sun.

"Donna, let's go to my room. I have blackout shades," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her again and helping her stand up. Suddenly, the world started spinning and lines started appearing in her vision. The only thing keeping her standing was Harvey.

"It's vertigo. Don't worry," Donna whispered almost inaudibly to a worried Harvey, who then carefully picked her up and carried her onto the bed. She curled up into a ball as Harvey smoothed his silk comforter over her body. "You're right – it's different," Donna breathed out. She held tightly onto his hand and tried to stabilize her breathing. She was in so much pain from her head and from her lower back.

Normally, her headaches were mild and constant; she was so used to them that they barely bothered her at all. On the off chance that they were migraines, she was generally able to sit through them with pain medication. Harvey would always notice and always be worried, but it was bearable. This time the pain came in pulses every couple second; it was debilitating, it brought nausea and vertigo, and it made her so sensitive to any sound, light, or movement around her. It was the first insanely bad migraine she'd ever had.

It was painful to watch Donna, someone he cared about so much, go through so much. He was unable to do anything about it, but sit by her and hold her hand. That wasn't something Harvey was used to doing; being so helpless was disconcerting. "Donna, I'm going to go get pain medication, okay. I'll be back in twenty minutes. Hang in there," he whispered to her, releasing his grip on her hand. She nodded yes, unable to do anything else.

In his room, she could hear him close the door, grab his jacket, and then slam the door outside. She winced at the sound. He was mad at himself for not noticing sooner, for being so enraptured by Scottie the first month; she needed to get him to stop blaming himself. None of this was his fault anyways. Donna let out a moan as her head throbbed again. Her whole body was in pain. As her head pulsated, her neck and shoulders became unbearably tense, a cramp racked her body, her back felt like an elephant was stomping on it, and her legs became the equivalent of useless jelly. Although she tried to sleep, the migraine exacerbated any pain that she was experiencing earlier from the operation and kept her awake, writhing in agony. She was trying to be strong in front of Harvey so that he didn't worry, but now, she just wanted to cry.

Harvey was back sooner than he promise because he was worried. He was able to buy hydrocodone, a heating pad, and some groceries in record time. As he closed the front door, he could hear small-strangulated sobs followed by moans coming from inside his bedroom. He took a deep breath, trying to maintain his composure so he could go in and actually help her. After plugging in the heating pad and making a cup of hot tea, Harvey reentered the bedroom. He sat down on the edge of the bed, placing the cup on the bedside table and pulling the heating pad over her back. Harvey placed his hand on her forehead, testing her temperature; she was still normal.

"Donna," he coaxed quietly, "Take a painkiller okay?" She nodded slowly; any abrupt motion made her head fire up again. Harvey placed a tablet of hydrocodone on her lips and she opened them. Right afterwards, he brought the cup of tea up to her lips and she drank enough to swallow the tablet. He ran a hand through her hair, "How bad is the pain?"

"Eight," she croaked through a pulse that coursed through her body

Harvey held her hand in his. "You're going to be okay." He could see her eyes, normally mischievous, turn dark and fill with pain. Her face was even paler than before. "Do you need anything?"

"Just stay here, okay?" she asked again, vulnerably.

He took off the blood stained shirt and the uncomfortable suit pants in exchange for Harvard sweats. Donna shifted aside so Harvey could have space on the king sized bed. He lifted the comforter, while holding the heating pad, and lay down on the bed. Donna turned towards him and he wrapped her in his arms, arranging the heating pad in place at her lower back. She felt better just enveloped in his smell, resting near the crook of his neck. As he held her, Donna felt the tension near her neck ease and the pain diminish slightly. It was like an anesthetic.

He was her anesthetic. That thought almost brought her laughter. He was the one person she could never have. How is it possible that the one person she could always trust, always depend upon would be the one she never could have in any way other than friendship?

"Her heart sank into her shoes as she realized at last how much she wanted him. No matter what his past was, no matter what he had done. Which was not to say that she would ever let him know, but only that he moved her chemically more than anyone she had ever met, that all other men seemed pale beside him."— F. Scott Fitzgerald, A New Leaf

The world is cruel place: allowing you to discover what you want, only to find that you can't have it. It'd happened before too. Her tears flowed freely at that; there was nothing that could comfort her. The pain, the exhaustion, the baby, and the discovery of what Harvey meant to her all mingled together to massacre her heart and her will.

However much he tried to relax her, there was nothing he could do but hold her and wait for her cries to subside. It was this helplessness that made him feel worthless. There was literally nothing he could do other than offer a space of darkness and keep her hydrated. Cures don't exist for migraines, or for cramps like hers, or for the lower back pain. Each painkiller was only a cure for the symptoms, not for the root cause. He was a closer, someone who fixes things for good, yet there was nothing to do here. That made it all the more painful. Her cries each pulled a heartstring, making him pull her closer and closer to him until there was no space left between them. He needed her more than he cared to admit. He maybe could even love her. But there was also nothing he could do about that, so he continued to stroke her hair, hoping to at least calm her sobs and lessen her agony.

About an hour later, Harvey pulled away a little, but Donna just held him tighter, not wanting to be released from the sanctuary. He acquiesced, "Donna," softly, "Are you feeling a little better?"

"A little. I'm not cramping anymore. It's just my back and my neck hurt more than my head itself." She explained. In reality, her whole body hurt, but she wasn't going to tell Harvey that.

"Do you want a massage?" Harvey asked sincerely.

"This is another Facebook video moment," Donna joked, then answered, "Yes, but I really don't have the strength to move, Harvey."

"That's okay. I'm going to sit you up, tell me if you're uncomfortable, okay?"

"Okay." Harvey first took out the heating pad and unwrapped himself from her; she shivered from the loss of his heat source. Then, he wrapped one arm around her side and used the other the support her head. Slowly he brought her up, careful to avoid sudden movements that could trigger nausea. He then sat behind her and she leaned on him completely.

"Feeling okay?" Harvey asked, worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm just really tired and I didn't even have to do anything."

Harvey placed the heating pad on her stomach, hoping to deter cramps from starting again. He took her left hand in his and began kneading the fingers, especially the webbed area between the index and the thumb, which was said to be able to relieve the edge on headaches. He did the same on the other side and this time she let out another moan out of relief. Then, he ran his finger lightly along her arms, trying to avoid causing pain from the scars, but putting enough pressure to make a difference. Moving upwards along her arms, he reached her shoulders where he kneaded his fingers into the skin.

She let out a tormented gasp, "Softer Harvey." His finger hit a nerve that sent a jolt through her body, making her once again aware of her headache.

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" He stopped, worrying about causing more pain.

"It's okay. Keep on going." Harvey started again, softer and more careful, using only the pads of his fingers and not applying pressure. He drew pictures on her back and she seemed to appreciate the sensation.

Suddenly she felt a bout of nausea hit her again and she covered her mouth; there was no way she could make it to the toilet, so Harvey ran to grab his trash can and brought it close to her. She vomited, this time there was nothing other than bile. He held her hair back and rubbed her back as she recovered from the nausea. Her eyes watered and her whole body trembled. She sucked in her breath and didn't let it out. "Donna, you have to breathe," Harvey reminded her. "Come on, that's it." She mimed him, breathing heavily in and out. He brought a warm washcloth over and helped wipe her face. "It's all going to be okay."

"Thank you Harvey," she said as he squeezed her hand in solidarity. "My head and neck hurt again," she complained, burying her face in his chest. They still sat in complete darkness, but Harvey could make out her expression and knew that whatever was happening, it was excruciating.

He sat behind her again and rubbed her neck and head, trying to lessen the tension. He used his index and thumb to run to lines along her neck, and then he threaded his hands under her hair to massage her scalp. She leaned against him and buried her head in the crook of his neck, hiding from the world, trying to brave the pain. It was as if the painkillers finally kicked in because she fell into a semi peaceful slumber. Harvey continued to run his hands through her hair, hoping to serve as an anchor for her to keep on sleeping.

Slowly, he lowered her off of him onto the cushioned bed. He arranged the pillows around her like a fort so she wouldn't wake up with any severe neck pain, then he rearranged the heating pad around her waist, covering her abdomen and her back. Harvey smoothed the comforter over her again and moved out of the room to the kitchen to make breakfast/lunch/dinner all in one and call Addison. He was worried about the headaches and the excruciating pain Donna was in.

After three rings, Addison picked up, "Hey Harvey, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I think so. Donna was finally able to sleep. She was having severe cramping in the car when she was sitting up and when she was moving. Once she was on the bed, she felt better, but still was in agony. When we got back to my apartment, we were talking and all of a sudden Donna's body was wracked with extreme migraines that caused backaches and shoulder and neck pain." Harvey recounted back to Addison, hoping for an indicator of whether or not Donna was still in the 'normal after D&C' zone.

"The migraines should be caused by the hormonal imbalance and stress of D&C on her body along with her existing chronic headache problem. So that should be normal. The severe back pain and the cramps are caused by the procedure and the loss of a child. Also normal." Addison paused, "There's a lot of stress in losing a baby, even if it was unwanted. I expect her cramps to be more intense than other patients because of the amount of stress on her body right now. The anemia will contribute to that. If either of those is so painful to the point of fainting, call me right away. Get some iron pills for the anemia too."

"Thank you Addie," Harvey was relieved to say the least.

"Take care of her, okay?"

"Of course," Harvey hung up the phone at that and began making a light meal. Donna hadn't eaten in what looked like a week or more. It would require coaxing to feed her anything. So he settled on chicken noodle soup, easy and light. His laptop was open and files were sprawled on the kitchen island as he multitasked, working on a case and reviewing the notes that Mike wrote on the margins. Harvey winced as he handled the pot with only his right arm; his busted shoulder complained, but he ignored it and continued reading and cooking. The soup was finished and cooling an hour later. The case was close to a breakthrough after another two hours.

Breaking through the peace and quiet, Donna let out a blood-curling scream. Harvey charged into the bedroom to find her still asleep, writhing on the bed. Another nightmare. He sighed, and then moved to shake her awake.

"James. No. NO. JAMES!" Donna shouted.

_Who's James? _Harvey wondered. Someone pre-DA's office, obviously. "Donna, come on. Wake up." She was unable to break from the nightmare.

"My baby. Blood." Donna whispered, while thrashing in the sheets, "James. Please, don't leave me. James." Tears formed in her eyes.

"DONNA," Harvey shouted. She jolted awake, unable to move. Trapped between worlds; she could see Harvey above her, trying to wake her up. But, James trapped under the car and her body bleeding felt so real. She couldn't move, couldn't speak. Her eyes flitted from side to side, but her limbs seemed glued to her sides. Her chest was heavy, as if a boulder was placed on it. She felt like James was close to her and ready to attack. Something mean and evil was there.

"Donna, what's wrong?" Worry swam through Harvey's eyes as he looked down at her on the bed. "Donna?" Harvey touched her forehead to see if she was feverish; she wasn't. At his touch her body started functioning again.

She held him tightly in her arms with her eyes wide open in terror. Anxiety got the better of her; her breathing became labored, her veins seemed to catch afire, her whole world began spinning. Whatever was crushing her heart came back and her hand came up to clutch her chest, unable to breathe. Harvey rubbed her back and maintained calm, "Donna, it's okay. I'm right here." She nodded through the panic attack, trying to root her self in reality. He whispered words of encouragement into her ears, hoping to calm her fears; once again, there was nothing he could do but watch. Her heart rate was going way too quickly and she was still having trouble breathing. "It's going to be alright," he whispered into her hair.

She just kept holding onto him, looking around for another man from another time. Slowly, she began letting go of him; eventually, she held on to only his hand. "I think I'm okay." Donna beckoned him to sit next to her again. He rubbed her back, up and down, up and down, trying to reassure her that he was truly right next to her. The mild constant pain in her head and in her lower back grounded her. "I'm feeling better," Donna added, "Mild headache." She then frowned and began wincing, "but the migraine is coming back."

Donna leaned against Harvey's shoulder and breathed in his cologne again; she still felt weak and shaky. Harvey held onto her and she nuzzled into his chest. "Donna, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but who's James?

"James," she sighed, "James is a long story. I promise I'll tell you everything eventually, not today because my head is really starting to pound again." Harvey held up a glass of water, which Donna sipped from. "I was in love and married a long time ago before the DA's Office. I got pregnant. And then, we were in a car accident. James threw his body over mine; he died. I was 26 weeks along. The baby died on impact. But I survived; I didn't want to at the time. I wanted to die."

Donna sighed again as Harvey wrapped her securely in his arms, "I know you're just telling me the truth, but please don't say that. Know that I'm here for you, okay?"

"Thank you Harvey," Donna returned the embrace.

"What happened just then?"

"I'm not sure," Donna looked around the room again apprehensively, "I couldn't move and I couldn't breath and I felt like my body was under a boulder." She hid again in the crook of his neck.

Harvey decided not to bring that up again and switched topics, "I made soup. Do you think you can stand? Or do you want me to bring it in here?"

"I really don't think I should eat anything, Harvey. I'm super nauseous and I'm going to throw it all up." Donna answered.

"Donna, you really need to eat, please. How about some saltine crackers?" He pleaded with her.

"Okay. Can you bring them in here?" Donna asked, "I don't know if I can walk, but it's too bright outside right now." Harvey brought in a large container of Saltines and sat back down next to her, breaking it into small pieces and bringing them to her lips, which she reluctantly opened to consume to the cracker. After each piece, Harvey coaxed a sip of tea.

After two full crackers, Donna started feeling nauseous. It was the first food she had willingly consumed in two weeks. "Harvey, I really can't have any more." Harvey rubbed her back again, letting her lean into him.

"Okay. Some more water?" He brought a straw up to her lips to wash down the taste of saltines. She sipped gratefully. Then the dizziness caught up to her and she threw up into the trashcan that Harvey lifted up; he was prepared once he saw her reaction to the water.

She leaned back down, right onto his already irritated shoulder. He winced at first, allowing her settle and ignoring the pain. She shifted and her head grated against his bone; he moaned, unable to hold back any longer.

"Harvey!" She sat up quickly and looked back at him, "What happened?" His left hand covered his right shoulder, trying to keep his composure. "Oh my God. I'm so sorry," her hands were on his shoulder, massaging as she had done before whenever the high school baseball injury got the better of him.

"Donna, I'm okay," he covered her hands with his left, "Don't worry."

"No, Harvey. You haven't been in this much pain since six years ago when you wouldn't stop throwing the ball at the stupid fence," she went into overdrive, trying to manage her own pain while mothering Harvey's injury.

He turned towards her and placed both arms on her shoulder to look into her eyes, ignoring the ache, "I'm okay. Don't worry. It's nothing compared to what you just went through. I promise you, it's okay. Stop worrying; you're going to give yourself a headache again."

"Stop worrying about me then!" Donna shouted back and shrugged him off of her, making him wince again. She felt bad, but then her headache became blinding again. Her lower back flared up because of her sudden movement; she refused to give in to the backache and sat resolute, gripping the blanket and clenching her teeth.

"Donna," He started carefully.

"What!" She fired back, biting her lip.

"Can I help you down?" Harvey placed a hand on her arm. She acquiesced and allowed him to bear her weight and maneuver her back onto the pillow. He placed the heating pad under her back and allowed her to use his hand as a stress ball.

After twenty minutes Donna spoke up, "Okay. It's not bad anymore," she touched his shoulder softly, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay Donna," he moved a hair off her face.

"Can you help me up again?"

"Yeah," Harvey placed his arms behind her and pushed her up, "You feeling okay?"

She nodded, "Harv, I know you like my attire right now, but can you get me something decent to wear?" She referred to the nearly threadbare hospital gown she was currently robed in.

He laughed, and then procured another pair of Harvard sweats. "You look great, by the way," Harvey passed the sweats into her hands.

"Even now?" Donna looked down at herself; her arms were covered with scars, her body with bruises. She looked weaker and paler.

"Always," he lifted up her chin, "You're beautiful." There were times when he knew she was joking and he would play along, but this time she seriously doubted herself: the second time in the matter of two months. She never used apologized for who she was; he loved that.

Donna smiled at his sincere answer, "Now look away. I'm changing." She struggled to bring her arms around her body and winced every time she changed shoulder and neck positions. After a long ordeal, she asked, embarrassed, "Can you help me?" She looked away.

"Of course," Harvey answered. It scared him, truly, how weak she was; unable to hold up her arms long enough to take off her shirt. He reached down and pulled the gown over the top of her head. Her back was flawless except for the freckles running up and down her spine. She shivered at her touch and goose bumps appeared on her skin. He unbuckled her bra and noted the unhealthy marks it made on her skin. She whimpered. "Are you okay?" he asked, placing his warm hands on her uncovered shoulders.

"Bad memories." She answered. Even though it was Harvey behind her, she couldn't help but feel nervous. It was the first time anyone had seen her naked since Steven and she was self-conscious and scared; she trembled.

He sensed her worries, "It's me, okay? I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know," she placed her hand on his resting on her shoulder.

He kissed the top of her head and proceeded to pull a sweatshirt over her head, taking care not to be abrupt. It was too big for her but she looked perfect in his sweatshirt and his bed, next to him. Harvey shook his head, ridding those thoughts. "Better?"

"Yes. No one can see my boobs through my shirt. It's great," she tried a smile.

Her underwear was soaked through with blood, so Harvey asked whether or not she wanted boxers, she nodded. He took one that was fresh out of a package, never used and passed it to her. She pulled them gently over her legs and to her upper thighs, which ached terribly. She couldn't move enough to pull it around her posterior. She pulled the sweatshirt down and then called out, "Harvey…"

He turned around. After noticing her predicament, he didn't ask her to explain. He helped her to the edge of the bed where she stood up, leaning most of her weight on his shoulders. He ignored the flare of pain his shoulder withstood each time she pressed down. Harvey pulled the boxers up. He grabbed the sweatpants and motioned for her to step in, one foot at a time. She wasn't stable on her feet, but she trusted him.

He pulled the sweatpants up to her waist and stood up. She wrapped her arms around his neck, "Thank you." He enclosed her waist in his arms, supporting her weight. "I feel like a deadweight," she sighed. "I can't do anything,"

"That's what I'm here for," he smiled up at her, "Boss turned servant."

She cracked a smile, "Please, you were always my servant."

"Of course, your majesty." He smirked and she laughed, staying in their embrace until her legs felt useless and her head dizzy. He lowered her down slowly onto the bed. Just by the look on her face, he could tell that every movement was still sending waves of pain through her body. Sitting down from standing was hard; her cervix had been dilated and was contracting.

"I just want this to be over," She sighed, holding onto Harvey.

"I know," he kissed her shoulder, where his head was resting, "me too."

_En Fin_

_"Her heart sank into her shoes as she realized at last how much she wanted him. No matter what his past was, no matter what he had done. Which was not to say that she would ever let him know, but only that he moved her chemically more than anyone she had ever met, that all other men seemed pale beside him."— Fitzgerald. _

_Those lines. I mean, I can't even. He's such a great writer. AHHH. _

_Anyways, I hope you enjoyed that - maybe it was too sweet for a non-romantic couple, but I feel like Harvey and Donna are different. Their relationship is always on a thin line. Review - I would love to hear your thoughts!_

_Love,  
Shannon_


	5. Please Stay

_AN: It's finals week and guess what I do. I write another chapter. Procrastination at it's finest. I'm going to fail all my classes. Not even kidding. What am I going to do?_

_This chapter was very fluffy and very fun to write. I love their dynamic, so I had to write another one like this. I promise next chapter things will start to really happen._

**Please Stay**

She felt a little better after a couple hours, so much so that she was able to stand up without Harvey's help. He had gone to the store to buy iron tablets and then to his office connected to the master's bedroom to do work. She stumbled, falling down onto her knees, but she didn't cry out even through her legs felt like pins and needles were being stuck into them.

The thump still reverberated around the apartment so Harvey called, standing, "Are you okay? What happened?" Every possible terrible scenario ran through his head – did she fall? Faint? Collapse?

"I'm fine, Harvey," she answered. He sat back down again, relieved. Her entire lower body was weak from the blood loss and the pain. Her heating pad was wrapped securely around her waist; it helped: instead of an elephant jumping on her back, it was a large dog. She considered that progress. Even leaning heavily on the furniture and the walls, she was quickly out of breath and lightheaded. Cramps started flaring up and a new pain in her pelvis nearly brought her to her knees again. At that point, the bed was too far away and the floor seemed like the only option, but it had no cushion and she knew she would pay dearly in agony. Donna kept on going until she reached the door to his office. She opened it and light flooded into the room; it was gloomy and almost nightfall, but she still felt blinded by the light reflected off the New York snow. The headache threatened to appear again as it assaulted her eyes.

"Harvey," Donna spoke, meekly. What color had returned to her face from the afternoon rest completely drained away and her lips turned an ashen gray from the energy exerted to walk ten feet from the bed to the door.

He looked up and immediately rushed forward to catch her as she slowly slid down the doorframe. "Donna, I got you. It's okay." He carried her in her arms as he sat down, back against the wall. She rested on top of him, leaning onto his chest. He brought a hand up to her head, checking her temperature, which still normal. Her hair was damp from perspiration and her face ghostly pale. "What were you doing?" He asked, touching her wrist, feeling her racing pulse.

"I wanted to sit with you, like before." She explained, fingering the rim of his sweatshirt. She sighed, closing her eyes before tears could fall.

"Why didn't you ask me for help," He stroked her cheek with his hand.

"I just," she inhaled, "I don't know. I just wanted to do something myself." She sighed, "I can't even walk without your help. I feel so helpless, like I'm looking at myself fail and there's nothing I can do about it."

"You've always taken care of me; let me take care of you now," he held her hand in his while whispering softly, "You're going to feel like Donna again soon, I promise. You'll be the fax whisperer and the queen of Pearson Spector. It's going to be okay."

Real salty tears started falling as she struggled for words. That was too perfect, too amazing, and too unattainable. Harvey carefully brushed her tears away before she buried into Harvey's shirt.

"Come on, let's go and crack the case," Harvey brushed back a strand of her hair and smiled at her.

He moved to pick her up again before she stopped him, "I want to walk."

"Donna, are you sure?" Harvey frowned, asking worriedly. She nodded, holding onto the wall over Harvey and trying to maneuver herself. "Let me help," Donna yielded, letting go and giving full control to him. He was strong and she was weak.

He lifted her off him from her waist and stood up right afterwards, arms already supporting her waist. She keeled over as if she were punched, hands protectively over her abdomen; it was on fire, breathing pain upon pain upon pain onto her body. "I'm okay Harvey," she grabbed onto his hand. "Just my pelvis or my back, I think."

"You think?" He asked, carefully leading her to the couch where he was working.

"I'm in pain everywhere, Harvey," she admitted. He tried to sit her down, but she cried out as soon as her legs began to bend. "Definitely my pelvis."

"What happened?" He helped her straighten up, "That didn't hurt before."

"I don't know," she sighed, "When is this going to get better! I can't sleep; I can't walk; I can't stand up; I can't sit down," she looked at the ceiling yelling, holding back tears. Her voice caught in her throat.

"It's okay," his arms were still around her abdomen so he brought her closer to him, enveloping her. "It's going to get better soon." He innovated, "How about lying down?"

"We can try that. But, I can't get there unless I pass through sitting position." She cursed as she began feeling weaker again; she couldn't stand for much longer. Suddenly, he picked her up: one arm around her shoulder and another under her legs. Donna whimpered; the sudden movement caused a blinding pain shoot up through her back. "Don't do that again."

"I'm sorry," he placed her gently on the couch, but no position seemed comfortable. On her back, her shoulders and neck ached terribly. On her sides, her pelvis felt dislocated. On her stomach, her lower back throbbed and her already sore breasts threw injury on offense. She decided to curl up in a ball and ignore everything around her. Harvey draped a blanket around her and sat down. Donna moved closer, using his legs as a pillow. "Are you feeling better?"

"No," she answered honestly.

He didn't say anything, only resting his arm protectively around her shoulders, running his hand along the blanket and playing with her hair absentmindedly. She accepted his comfort and just lay down, feeling a little better. He looked through page after page after page or corporate notes and legal documents. She read with him, occasionally pointing out a detail. It was all very domestic.

After a while, maybe an hour or two, he asked again, "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah. It's not that bad anymore," she answered tentatively, "I think I can sit up again."

"Do you want another painkiller?" Harvey probed cautiously.

"No; they make me queasy. And it's not bad, truly." She played with Harvey's hand, the one draped around her. "What about your shoulder Harvey?" Donna wasn't one to forget that Harvey was also in pain. She witnessed what the pain could do first hand six years ago at Harvey's father's funeral; it was petrifying.

"I'm okay," he smiled at her, "Do you want to get up?"

She nodded so he helped her sit up. She winced as she sat properly; her pelvis obviously disagreed with the movement. Harvey noticed; he rearranged the blanket and supported her back, getting her to lean on him. "It's okay. Really."

"Regardless, I'm still here for you." Harvey rubbed her knee comfortingly.

"I know," she whispered, her head pressed against his chest.

"Are you up for something to eat?" He asked, holding her hand and massaging her fingers the same way he had before.

She really wasn't. Her body was in pain, totally not thinking about food, only about relief. She was still nauseous and food made her stomach churn unnaturally. But the way he looked at her, worried about her health and hopeful that she would say yes, made her feel guilty. He was trying so hard to feed her and care for her. For the first time in months, she sensed a burning desire in the pit of her stomach to live, happily: the first glimpse of a world without the gray cloud of agony hanging over her head. Depression had inhibited her ability to eat, to sleep – nothing mattered anymore; but she wanted that over so she said, "Yes."

He let loose a giant smile and kissed the top of her head, which made her feel invincible. "Is chicken noodle soup okay? Or do you want me to get something else for you?"

"It's good," she smiled tentatively herself while threading a hair behind her ear.

"I'm going to go get it from the kitchen. Are you going to be okay?" He was still worried.

"I'll be fine," she promised, leaning away from him and smiling even though the movement caused a sharp pang to run through her stomach. He stood up and squeezed her hand, then left the room.

Her energy drained almost as soon as the door closed. She could feel everything, every painful moment again. The pounding of her headache, the tenseness in her neck, the burning stabbing pain in her back, the debilitating cramps in her abdomen, the soreness in her legs, the new tender and throbbing pulse of her pelvic area, and worst of all, the depression and misery of losing a child that she didn't know existed. Without Harvey nearby, she felt as though her willpower once again diminished. But, she's Donna and she knew logically that Harvey would come back. She scooted closer to where Harvey's smell lingered and she wrapped the blanket around herself, wishing for the feeling to end, to let her find solace.

He walked back in ten minutes later with a tray of food, only to find her lying down on the couch, unable to move and biting her lip. Harvey inferred that the pain resumed, causing her to find sitting excruciating and to clutch the edge of the sofa, preventing herself from crying out. He placed the tray down and squatted in front of her, holding her hand and looking into her eyes, "How bad is it?"

"I'm okay," she whispered shakily. _It felt like a nine. _

"Donna, don't lie to me," he brushed a strand of hair away. Her knuckles on the sofa were turning white from holding on so tightly. He placed his other hand on hers, softening her grip and offering to be her stress ball again.

"It's passing," she answered, breathing deeply to stabilize her heart rate yet again. _Eight._

"Where does it hurt?" He kissed to her hand and began massaging her stress points.

"Really, It's okay. Just a cramp and my back again." _Everywhere, but less now that you're here. Six._ He pressed a hand to her lower back and massaged gently underneath the heating pad. She ran a hand through his ungelled, untamed hair. It was boyish, like a young man's. Even with his worry lines and his smile lines, he still gave off a fresh aura. She felt old. "I think I'm okay again." Harvey's hands helped more than he could've thought. "Help me up?"

"Are you sure?" He asked worriedly.

"That's okay. I want to eat with you," she placed both her hands onto the sofa and pushed up; disregarding the spots she could see blossom in her vision.

He sat down next to her and she leaned onto his left shoulder, closing her eyes and latching onto his arm. "Are you feeling okay?" He touched her forehead again.

"I could be better," she let out a small smile. He coaxed a small spoonful of the chicken noodle soup into her mouth. "That's actually surprisingly good."

Harvey laughed, "Who would've thought." Another spoonful. He changed their position, scooting Donna on top of him and leaning her into the crook of his neck. He wrapped one arm around her and held the bowl; he used the other arm to spoon the soup into her mouth. Soon the bowl was empty and her stomach uncomfortably full.

She settled into his embrace, feeling closer than ever to Harvey. There was something about them – whenever one of them was vulnerable or hurt or sick, they would always end up curled together. When Harvey lost his first case, when she got uncontrollably sick one year, when Harvey lost his father, and now. It'd been a while since the last time they were in this position; because it was a while since the last time either of them had been truly hurt. She played with his sweatshirt strings and he held her as close as possible, mingling her hair with his hands. These little moments were as close as they would ever get to the red line drawn in the sand. Anyone could tell that there was nothing they cared more about other than each other. Both could interpret every word, every movement of the other, but love was a different matter.

She brought a hand up, touching the little stubble growing on his face and sliding gently over his two moles. Donna traced his jawline absently, wondering what it would be like to feel his features with her tongue, not her fingers. They were so close, mushed together even though the house could give them each too much space.

Harvey placed a small kiss on her forehead as she traced his face, thinking about what it would be like to kiss her full on the lips and to bring her smile back onto it's proper position on her face. She looked lost in her own world, away from him. He ran a hand along her back, making her spine tingle. She looked up into his eyes and was stricken by the dark cloud hanging over him; he was worried and tired, most likely because of her. Their intimacy, their natural beauty was marred by the uncomfortable lingering presence of Scottie and Steven hanging over their head. After a couple minutes, both were acutely aware of how their bodies were touching and how much they wanted to stay in the same position.

She sighed, untangling herself from Harvey, "Harvey, you should get some sleep."

"I'm fine," he dismissed the notion.

"Well, I want to take a bath and then sleep," She smiled, unwrapping Harvey's arms around her and wincing slightly.

"Do you need any help?" He asked quickly, stabilizing her as she stood up. His arms wrapped again around her abdomen.

"It's not that far, Harvey," she responded, exasperated.

He smiled, taking her hand and supporting her waist. She acquiesced, smiling too. Harvey led them to the master bathroom; it was made out of granite and glass, with a high ceiling and an amazing almost panoramic view of the Manhattan skyline.

"Are you feeling alright?" He asked, sitting her down on an ottoman.

"Yeah," she responded tiredly as he turned on the water in the bath and added salts. "Wait, where did you get bath salts from?" Donna looked on, surprised.

"Magic," he smirked, "didn't you know?"

"Now leave, you don't need to see me naked," she pushed lightly away.

"I already have," he smiled seductively laughed as she shook her head, throwing glares his way. "See, all I have to do is close my eyes."

"Stop that Harvey!" she laughed with him and threw the soap at his head. "Go away," she stated, attempting to give him her signature glare, but failing miserably.

"Okay, okay," He walked toward the door, "Yell if you need me."

She waved goodbye pleasantly, before slumping down. She took a minute before removing her sweatshirts and sweatpants laboriously. Donna stood up, leaning onto Harvey's counter before shuffling across the room and sitting by the edge of the tub. She tested the water and slid in, boxers and all. The hot water relaxed her and released the tension around her body; finally, she felt her lower back ease up.

Half an hour later, Harvey knocked on the door, breaking the silence, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she answered softly, "I'm good. You should come in and tell me stories," she suggested drowsily.

He laughed, cracking open the door and peering in. The bubbles created a wall on top of her and nothing was visible, so he walked into the room, moving the ottoman next to the tub. Harvey ignored the image of Donna, naked, in the bathtub that generated in his head. She was his best friend and she was hurting – he couldn't think of her that way.

"Are you feeling better?"

She answered sincerely, smiling, "Yeah, the water feels nice." Jazz music flowed into the bathroom from the bedroom, creating a classic atmosphere.

"I remember we were quite creative with a tub and the water back then," He joked, playing with a bubble from her bath.

She laughed, "We were, weren't we." She sighed, "Remember when you fell into that pool at the party, suit and all."

"You pushed me!" He stated, indignant.

"You're just clumsy and in denial," she giggled.

Harvey pursed his lips, "I resent that statement." She laughed in response. They spent the next hour just talking as Donna soaked in the water and Harvey watched.

Eventually, the bubbles began to fade away and the water became lukewarm. "Harvey, we should go to bed," Donna suggested, noticing her pale limbs beginning to show through the water.

"Do you need any help?" He asked sincerely.

"I think I'm okay," Donna answered, turning on the showerhead and motioning for Harvey to leave. He nodded, complying. She washed all the bubbles off and grabbed the towel Harvey placed on the ottoman for her. Although her head spun from her movement, her body felt rejuvenated. She noted that the Harvard pajamas he set out for her, she'd worn them before; they were nice and comfortable. Slowly, leaning on the walls to prevent herself from falling, she reached the door and opened it.

"What are you doing?" She asked, curious. He was holding a pillow and a small blanket, bringing them into his office. Harvey stared back at her, drinking in her new look in his pajamas. They fit her better than him.

"You should sleep on the bed, so I'm moving onto the couch," he acted as if it was the most logical thing to do in the universe.

"Harvey," she sighed, "You don't have to do that." She had envisioned Harvey sleeping next to her and she had wanted it.

"It's okay, Donna." He smiled, continuing to move some things.

"Harvey," She winced and clutched the wall, moving closer to the bed.

He dropped the pillows and rushed over, moving to help her onto his king sized bed. "Are you okay?" Harvey lightly ran his hand over her forehead and covered her gently with the blanket.

"I'm okay," she smiled, "What about you?" She touched his shoulder, "You should sleep here tonight."

"Donna, it's really okay. My couch is comfortable and my shoulder is fine," He placed her hand in his and massaged it slowly. Harvey then stood up and began to pick up the pillow on the floor.

"Harvey," her voice called quietly. He looked up. "Please stay here tonight," her voice trembled slightly as she said those words. She hated the vulnerable sound that was coming out of her, but she couldn't help it, "Please stay." Suddenly, the 300-count thread seemed very interesting as she played with the covers, shaking slightly.

She needed him; that's why she was asking. He sat down by her on the bed, "Of course I'll stay." He embraced her gently and pulled away, lifting her chin to meet her eyes, "I'm going to shower and I'll be right back, promise."

Donna nodded silently, shrinking down beneath the blanket and pretending she didn't just ask her best friend to be her security blanket. The water stopped flowing and Donna knew he was coming back. She didn't want to talk about it, so she squeezed her eyes shut and pretended to be asleep.

He observed her feigned slumber. She wasn't asleep – her trembling body gave it away. He would let her be; she obviously didn't want to talk and she was probably insanely tired. He slipped in next to her and stared at the ceiling. They both lay on their backs, fingers nearly touching. Slowly, he covered her hand and squeezed gently, letting her know that he was there for her. She remained still, hoping her acting skills were as great as before. Harvey sighed, closing his eyes and surrendering himself to sleep.

For a long time, Donna refused to close her eyes; the last thing she wanted to see that night was Steven or James. Knowing she would wake up next to Harvey in the morning, Donna didn't want to be screaming her head off and crying too. His hand was comforting on hers, anchoring her in the present. There was no pain in the night except for the dull ache of her back and the occasional cramp.

He was asleep, breathing deeply and evenly. She inched closer to him and pushed herself onto her left elbow, keeping her hand under his while facing him and observing his face. It showed definite signs of fatigue, even asleep; his wrinkles seemed more defined, his dark circles were showing, and his mouth formed a small frown. _Her fault. It was all her fault. _She sighed, daring to run a hand through his mussed up hair and place it on his chest. He stirred, but didn't wake. Donna took her left hand out from under his and moved even closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder and curling up into his warmth, tucking herself right next to his body. As if by instinct, Harvey's right hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer. He mumbled incoherently before succumbing to back to deep sleep. She followed soon after, feeling safe right next to him; Harvey would always protect her, no matter what.

_En Fin_

_AN: They're so perfect for each other. I can't even, like seriously. Next chapter, I'm going to add Rachel into the storyline. Scottie will be making an appearance soon. _

_Just to clarify storyline as of now - On Wednesday night, Donna is rushed to the hospital. Harvey and Donna stay there until Thursday morning, when they go to Harvey's home. After a day of pain, it is now Thursday night. _

_Reviews are my life source, please feed meee. (Imagine the cookie monster asking for reviews instead of cookies)_

_Love, _

_Shannon_


	6. Forgive Me

_AN: I personally enjoyed this chapter. It's a lot about the relationships between the characters and how they mold together. There will be more of these. Classic Disclaimer: characters not mine, original content is. etc, etc. _

_To arvingwen: Thank you for your review! With regards to sexual tension, I think there might be some in the chapter, not a lot, but some. The overall purpose thus far was to illustrate their mutual interdependence, but I feel like I maybe could add more tension. It's love, I think, more than sex. With regards to Donna pain, I don't see myself stop writing that. I mean, It's a really great aspect of this story because I think that there's no end to her pain. I think she's endured far too much and I think she's definitely hurt, physically and emotionally. Harvey might be there for the purpose of helping her heal and in the process, falling in love. They need each other. That's all for right now - if you have any more questions/comments/concerns, I would love to address them. Your review really made me think about the story and I think that was really important to me. Thank you. _

_To all my wonderful lovely reviewers: I love you. You're perfect, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. This will be the last update until January (but at that point, I'll have scripted 4-5 chapters so you needn't worry). THANK YOU SO MUCH. Happy Holiday Season!_

**Forgive Me**

An intense pain travelled through his arm as he stirred. He winced as his rotator cuff felt like it was shredded again the day before. His left hand moved instantaneously to cover his right shoulder, trying to massage it. But, he felt silky substance under his fingers instead of the hard bone he expected. Donna was leaning on him; that explained the sudden increase in pressure. He tried to move away without jarring her, but he couldn't; she was firmly attached to his body, as if clinging on for dear life.

Rather than move her off him, he lifted her up across his body onto his other side. She moaned a little before snuggling into him again and using his left side as a pillow. He sighed. When he had his rotator cuff injury, the surgery wasn't invented yet. Even though it was a full thickness tear, it hadn't felt too bad until recently. It seemed that he would have to resign himself to the fact that he was getting older. Of course, it was only the big things, like Donna sleeping on his bad shoulder or picking her up multiple times or using Steven as a punching bag. Those hurt. Harvey tried to move his shoulder up and down, but a horrible stinging sensation hit him and he winced involuntarily.

Suddenly his phone started ringing, screaming to be answered. He reached around to his bedside table and answered before Donna could awaken. "Jessica?"

"Harvey, Where are you! We're in the middle of a huge case and I need you here. You're a senior partner now. You can't just up and go in the middle of a week!" She practically yelled through the receiver.

He pulled the phone back from his ear, not wanting to hear the rest of her tirade. "Jessica. I'm sorry. Something came up," he answered apologetically, "I can't come in."

"Give me a good reason and I'll allow it," she answered. He could just see her tapping her pen on her desk, waiting for him to say something. "Well, go on."

"I can't tell you," he answered, looking at Donna's sleeping figure.

"Well then you have to come!"

Donna stirred, mumbling bleary eyed, "Harvey. What's wrong?"

Harvey smiled at her, bringing his stiff arm around to run through her hair before talking into his phone. "Jessica. Look, I know I'm senior partner, but I really can't come today."

"Harvey. You are needed here. Need I remind you who even allowed you to get this far in your career?" Jessica asked, using her most intimidating tone.

"Harvey, I'll be okay," Donna whispered, "Go. You're needed in the office."

He sighed, heeding Donna's advice, "Fine. I'll be there. Give me an hour"

"That's all I ask," Jessica smiled, hanging up.

Harvey directed his attention to Donna and asked, "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm okay," she smiled, snuggling even closer to him.

"No nightmares? No headaches?" Harvey asked holding her against him and sitting them against the headboard.

"No, nothing more than the ordinary," she answered, moving closer to his warmth. He cradled her in his chest. "I just feel a little sad, that's all," she admitted to him.

"It's going to be okay," Harvey ran his fingers along her arms, "You can always talk to me, you know that right?"

She covered his fingers, wincing as he brushed on her newest scars, "I know. I just couldn't stand the feeling and I just didn't want to feel that emptiness anymore. The pain was real and I wanted to feel something again." She looked down, feeling ashamed and tearing up a little.

Harvey gently patted her on the knees; she was curled up in a ball sitting on him. "For the record, I would be lost, probably cheating like Cameron Dennis, without you." Kissing her temple, he murmured, "When I said 'I wouldn't be me without you' I meant it. I need you." He hugged her tightly, stronger than ever before, scared of losing her.

She pressed her head against his chest. "I need you too," She mumbled so quietly that he almost didn't catch it. She held his hand and sat up, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. After a second, she opened her eyes and smiled, "Now, let's get up. Jessica's going to throw a fit if you're not there in thirty minutes." Donna stood up, rather steadily in comparison to the day before, and tugged on Harvey's hands. Even though her eyes were puffy and her hair disheveled, Donna still was Donna. Harvey and Donna, they're both so alike; building walls around their hearts to protect themselves, acting even around each other.

"She can wait," he turned her around to face him before pulling her into a hug, "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," she smiled tentatively, "I'll be fine."

He lifted her chin up, as if about to kiss her before looking away, "Why don't you go first? I need to make a couple calls," he offered. She nodded, lingering in his embrace. Then, she made her way slowly, but surely to the bathroom. He sighed slowly and let out a breath of air. The scars on her arms scared him more than she could possibly know; the thought of losing her was all encompassing and crushing.

But, he also knew that he had never felt so protective about anyone else in his whole life. He would go to any extent to help her, save her from any more pain. She was everything. Harvey punched a pillow, feeling absolutely helpless. There was nothing he could do.

He exhaled, calling Rachel from the number in Donna's phone to ask her to stay with Donna today, then proceeding to toast bread and put coffee on the pot.

"Harvey?" Donna's voice rang out.

"What's wrong?" He walked into the bedroom.

"Nothing," she smiled, wearing his bathrobe, "Your turn." Harvey smiled back at her before entering the bathroom. She leaned against the wall as he closed the door. Although she felt better, she didn't wasn't as strong as she let on. Using her right hand, she maneuvered around the walls while using her left hand to support her aching back. Donna shuffled into the kitchen, smelling coffee wafting through the air. She poured herself a cup, breathing in the wonderful aroma. She didn't want to feel empty anymore; she wanted to feel alive, with Harvey.

Donna walked over to his beautiful balcony overlooking the heart of Manhattan and ran her hand along the ice-cold iron railings. It was snowing and absolutely magnificent, making her feel so small, so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. A tear escaped from her eyes. _What would happen if I jumped?_ The scars on her arms tingled slightly, realizing the magnitude of what she thought. But, it felt a little magnificent. The feeling of being able to end it all and be done. Another tear dripped as she rubbed her face with her cold hands.

James was everything a long time ago; there was nothing she wouldn't give to go back and to feel him in her arms. They were so young, but so in love: the 'forever and always' type. Her life had not true meaning until she got herself together at the DA's office. Harvey was everything. What would she do if anything happened to Harvey; she didn't think she could persevere again. She would jump if she could.

Harvey walked up behind her silently, wrapping a large coat around her shoulders and warming her freezing hands with one of his hands and wiping her tears with the other, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" she asked, leaning into his warmth, trying to forget about those thoughts that seemed to consume her.

"Making you cry today," he kissed her forehead gently.

She laughed softly, "It's okay and it's not your fault. Hormones." She wiped away some more tears. Suddenly, the doorbell rang, disrupting their moment.

"I'll get the door," Harvey whispered. He backed away and left her on the balcony. She shivered at the loss of his warmth. It was a gloomy day, the snow fell softly as the city whirred alive, but Donna didn't feel like she was apart of it. Only watching as things happened without her. Her hands tightened on the railing, reminding herself that she couldn't do it however much she wanted to just end it all. Harvey needed her. Harvey. _Damn it. _Another tear rolled down her face. Everything hurt, but the physical pain was nothing in comparison to the agony in her heart; she felt like she couldn't take it anymore.

As Harvey welcomed her in, Rachel watched quietly as her friend stared off into space. Donna seemed unaware of her presence.

"She's in a lot of pain even if she won't tell you and she's probably tired." Harvey noted to Rachel, "I don't think she can handle a lot today." He sighed, like a man carrying the weight of the world. "I'll be right back." Rachel nodded.

Watching from the sidelines, Rachel could see Harvey walk up to Donna and pull her into a hug; He whispered something into her ear and wiped away a tear. She said something and he wrapped an arm around her waist, letting her lean onto him. They were so much in love. He drew another small laugh from her and slowly helped her inside, towards Rachel. She seemed to be able to stand only because of Harvey; she was closing her eyes as if in pain. Her whole body looked ravaged by a storm; she looked weak. Her eyes were dull; her wrinkle lines exaggerated; her face pale, her shoulders hunched; and her entire demeanor defeated. She was beautiful, but fragile. She was a fallen angel. Rachel never thought she would describe her feisty red-haired friend as broken, but Donna looked that way.

"Hey Rachel," Donna greeted. Even her voice sounded exhausted and crushed. Evidently, this wasn't something that happened overnight, but it seemed as though Donna's mask of strength was finally eroded away. Even as Donna seemed defeated, Harvey looked at her lovingly, as if cradling the most precious of things in the world. _What happened between them? _Rachel felt like she was intruding in their moment.

It took the paralegal a moment to react; she jumped forward to greet her best friend with a hug. "Hey Honey." Rachel had never been good with pokerfaces. She had doe eyes and a beautiful complexion; pity and worry was written all over her face.

"I'm fine Rachel," Donna sighed, responding before her friend could even ask. She turned to Harvey, "Well, go on," She shoed him away, "I'll be okay. Stop worrying."

He kissed her on the temple and backed away. "Okay, okay," He brought up his hands in a surrendering motion, "Call me, okay?" Donna nodded, leaning again on the couch.

The door closed and Rachel relaxed. It was just Donna now; Harvey always made her feel a little uncomfortable. "What the hell happened between you two?" Her eyes lit up with Harvey and Donna's interaction, wondering if they had finally realized what they'd been missing: curiosity got the better of her manners.

Donna laughed, lowering her sore body onto the couch, "Nothing." She smiled coyly.

"Donna!" Rachel whined, sitting next to her friend.

"I'm serious Rach. Nothing at all," Donna answered, leaning her head onto Rachel's shoulder. Maybe she and Harvey had made a breakthrough this weekend, or maybe not. Her love for him was unconditional, but she already knew that.

"Fine then," Rachel acquiesced, knowing that it was a sore topic for Donna. "What about you? What happened?" She patted her friend's knee. Even though Donna was older than her by quite a few years, they had always felt like the same age. They had the same taste in shoes, in clothing, maybe even in men. Now, Donna seemed much wearier, much more weathered in by life.

Another topic Donna didn't want to talk about, "I'm fine, just a little tired. That's all." She dodged the question. Even though it was her best girl friend sitting next to her, some things she just didn't want to tell other people. She sat up straight, biting her lip.

"I thought we agreed not to lie to each other." Rachel could tell Donna was lying to her face. Even though she wasn't great at reading people, she knew there was something wrong. Donna wasn't even trying hard to put up a front.

"I know. I'm sorry," Donna ran a hand through her already disheveled hair, "I just… I can't… I don't know. These past couple weeks were just hard." She admitted, sighing.

"Oh honey," Rachel smiled sadly, "I'm sorry," she pulled her friend into a fierce hug. "I know I've been with Mike a lot, but you know that I'm still here right?" Rachel held Donna's hand tightly, "Chicks before dicks, remember?"

Donna laughed, "Always."

"So?" Rachel pressed her for answers.

Donna sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, "I had a miscarriage." _I lost a child. I lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore. _That was the essence of it, but she simplified the whole experience. It wasn't something she wanted to explain to Rachel yet.

"Oh my God," Rachel's expression betrayed her horror in the heartbreaking event and in the realization that the child was Steven's. "Are you okay?" She held Donna's hands in hers, sitting straight up and staring directly into her friend's eyes.

"Well, evidently I'm fine," Donna snapped. She looked away, towards the Manhattan skyline, avoiding Rachel's gaze. She sighed, "I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to help." Donna reached over to squeeze Rachel's hand.

"No, It's okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push," Rachel found Donna's eyes, "I'm worried about you."

"I know." Donna looked away, changing the subject, "So, How's Mike?" She mustered up her best girl-talk voice.

Rachel was reluctant to talk about Mike because that meant talking about love and Donna didn't seem like she could handle love at the moment. "He's okay, being really supportive right now about Columbia," she introduced a new topic.

"Oh my God, I totally forgot. Columbia Law School. You're leaving so soon for the spring session. I don't know what I'm going to do without you," Donna caught onto the conversation, glad to leave the other one untouched. So they continued, touching only on the surface of every subject, never going in deeply, and only making small talk, before they took out the alcohol.

Harvey walked into Pearson Spector annoyed and ready to leave before the day even started. Mike ran up to him, like the puppy he was, and practically started drooling. Apparently one day without Harvey's guidance led to mountains of paperwork for Louis.

He frowned, pinching his nose and attempting to concentrate on the documents. When he looked up at Donna's desk and found it empty, his mind drifted away to his apartment. _Is she okay? Is she in pain? Is she still crying? Is she hurting herself? _He shook his head, refocusing on the papers in front of him. The faster he gets it done, the faster he can leave. Harvey can almost hear Donna telling him to calm down, that she's fine. He still worried; she wasn't fine. If he wasn't in the room when she was standing by the balcony, would she still be here?

"Where were you all day yesterday?" Scottie's voice purred into his office, "I missed you." She pouted, walking forward to his desk and sitting on his lap.

"I was home," He answered briskly, moving her off his lap, "I have work to do Scottie."

She retorted indignantly, "You should at least tell me when you're going to leave and not come back! I was worried," Her anger flared off as he brushed her aside.

"I'm sorry," he answered wearily, "Something emergent came up."

"Where's Donna?" Scottie demanded suddenly, noticing Donna's empty desk.

He thought of the image of Donna curled up into him, crying in pain and enduring it bravely. That wasn't something Scottie needed to know. Another secret. "She's at my apartment."

"So she was with you last night," Scottie's eyes narrowed, "You better have a good explanation," her voice suddenly became ice cold.

"She hurt herself," he answered straightly. It was half true.

Scottie softened slightly, "Why didn't you tell me? I would have helped if I could." She ran her fingers gently across his face. Scottie was jealous, of course she was. Another woman in Harvey's bed, sleeping where she should be.

"It was really late in the night. I didn't want to wake you from your beauty sleep. You're a monster when you don't get your seven hours," Harvey placated, drawing a playful laugh from her. "Forgive me?" He asked, trying to give her what she wanted so she would leave him alone.

"Okay fine. This time it's okay. I'll see you tonight right?" She almost pleaded, longing to feel alive next to Harvey.

"Um…" Harvey ran his fingers through his hair. "Maybe. Donna might still need my help getting around." He knew Donna wouldn't be okay alone.

"So she was hurt pretty bad, huh?" Scottie pushed for answers.

"Yeah," Harvey answered, "Look, I have to work." He pointed to his covered desk.

"I know, me too," She smiled at him, "Call me alright? I want to have fun tonight." She licked her lips and sent him a flirtatious smile.

"Okay," He dismissed, already focusing on his papers.

"I love you." She whispered, closing the door. He didn't reciprocate.

Donna had helped him get pretty far in his files the day before so he had everything sorted out. The company CEO was stealing from the company and putting it into a bank account in the Cayman Islands. Now how to prove it?

Mike barged in, carrying multiple files and wearing a smile on his face. Harvey swore the kid would be terrible in court with his abysmal poker face. "What now Mike?"

"I got it!" He shouted excitedly, dropping half of his files, "I know how Benson has been stealing from his company. Right here," he plopped onto Harvey's leather couch, holding a sheet of paper, "This proves that a transaction went through his bank account."

"Oh, someone's been a naughty boy." Harvey laughed, tossing a ball in the air. "Okay, get more of those receipts from where you found them, then you know what to do. Prepare an affidavit; schedule the courtroom, whatever else. I need to go."

"Where? Aren't you going to work on this with me?" The puppy whined.

"What am I, a baby sitter?" Harvey asked, "I have to go back home." He packed up his briefcase and put on a coat.

"Rachel told me you called her this morning," Mike noted. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Harvey answered nonchalantly, "And none of your business."

"You're taking my girlfriend to your apartment. So, it is my business." Mike countered, "I know it's not about you. And Donna's missing, so it's about Donna." Harvey remained impassive. "Judging by the wrinkle in your tie and your tired aura, something happened."

"Mike. Enough." Harvey stopped him, tiredly.

The puppy went on, "Something happened to Donna and you're asking Rachel to help take care of her while you're here, but you're worried. It was something serious. Donna's hurt." Mike smirked at his deductive capabilities.

Harvey growled. "Yay for Mike. You can make good guesses. Do you want me to congratulate you?" His associate overstepped the boundary. "When I say none of your business, I don't mean for you to guess away. I mean none of your fucking business." Harvey stepped closer, intimidatingly. "And wipe that smirk off your face and stop feeling good about yourself. You think the fact that something happened to Donna is good?" Harvey sighed angrily, "Mike, Get the Fuck out of my office before I throw you out the window."

Mike scurried away, whispering apology after apology. He shouldn't have done that. Donna was one of the only things that mattered to Harvey. Trivializing that into a game was not the brightest idea he had ever had before. But seeing Harvey's reaction, something big truly must have happened, something to make Harvey, the master at controlling emotions, furious. Only times Mike had ever seen that happen was when Donna was fired, when Louis attacked Donna on the stand during the fake trial, and when Steven hurt Donna. It was always about Donna.

Harvey sat down again, burying his face in his hands and rubbing his eyes tiredly. Although his associate was wrong, Harvey's outburst was uncalled for. It was just that whenever Donna wasn't with him, everything in his life felt out of whack.

Jessica, having witnessed the whole scene, finally stepped into Harvey's office. She moved to Harvey, patting him on the back to make him acknowledge her presence. "Why didn't you just tell me? I would've given you a day off if I had known you were going to show up like this." His shoulders were hunched and his body fatigued. She was a fair person and a fair boss; she knew that there were times when even the best get overwhelmed.

"I didn't want to tell you," he answered, finally straightening up, "She didn't want any of you to worry."

Jessica smiled softly, "She's just as stubborn as you are." Harvey smiled tiredly. "You should go home, make sure she's okay. I give you my leave."

"Thanks Jessica. I just need a moment." He finally looked up to engage his boss.

"Just one last thing," Jessica noted, not knowing whether or not she should say it. " A little birdie told me that Scottie was crying in the bathroom. I think you need to check that out too, or at least work out your priorities."

Harvey grumbled. Another problem. Scottie would be clingy and annoying today, for sure. But, boyfriend duty called. Donna was probably okay right now, seeing as Rachel didn't call him, so he phoned Scottie to tell her he was leaving.

She sniffled on the other side of the wire, obviously wanting Harvey to ask what was wrong, but he didn't oblige. Before Harvey could end the phone call, Scottie pleaded. "Please say with me tonight. I know Donna's hurt, but she has Rachel. I only have you. Stay with me tonight."

What could he say? The only answer was yes, so he conformed to societal standards, promising to go to her place after making sure Donna was all right.

_Damn it. _Donna needed him more than Scottie did, but there was nothing he could do. He sighed, rubbing his temples and calling Ray.

After arriving at his apartment building and waving goodbye to his driver, Harvey stepped into the building, readying himself for what was to come.

"Hey, I'm home." He called out, locking the door behind him.

"We're in your bedroom," Donna responded, giggling slightly. Rachel whispered something seductively in Donna's ear and giggled too.

Harvey sighed and chuckled to himself. They were drunk. He walked into his bedroom to see them both sprawled out on the bed. Rachel had lay diagonal across the bed and Donna lay on Rachel's shoulder and motioned for him to come over, holding a bottle of vintage scotch.

"Hey Harv," she smiled seductively, "You want some?" She motioned to the scotch in her hand, but even in her drunken stupor was aware of her very clever double entendre.

Harvey laughed, he did want some: the answer to both of her questions. But he refrained, "I think one of us needs to stay sober tonight," Harvey sat down next to her on the bed and Donna immediately shifted, using Harvey as a pillow instead of Rachel. He cradled her in his chest, "You feeling okay?"

"I missed you," She hiccupped, tipsy. "You look good in this tie," she fingered the red fabric in her hand. "But this is your 'I need something good to happen today' tie. What happened?" She took another swig of the scotch, leaning into his chest.

"You," He answered honestly, kissing her temple and feeling her pulse on his fingers. The thump of her heart made him feel more secure.

She giggled, blushing, "I'm okay Harvey," She ran a hand along his chest, "Don't worry about me."

Rachel broke their moment, laughing, "You guys are so cute." Both Harvey and Donna froze to look at the paralegal, "What? You are," She laughed again. "I'm going to go and leave you two love birds alone."

"Wait, Rachel," Harvey stopped her. "Can you stay with Donna tonight?"

"What why? What about you?" Donna asked, suddenly anxious.

"Scottie," Donna stiffened up in his hold, taking her head off his chest, "I'm sorry, I wanted to stay, but Scottie pulled the whole crying and pleading thing. I tried. I'm sorry."

Harvey pleaded as he watched Donna untangled herself from him and leaned away quietly, "It's okay. You're needed. I'll go back home with Rachel." Donna answered, suddenly much more sober. The remembrance that Harvey was still dating Scottie suddenly hit Donna like a bucket of ice-cold water. "I'll be okay." She wasn't sure whom she was trying to convince: Harvey or herself.

"Donna, stay here." Harvey asked as she began moving off the bed.

"No, it's okay," Donna answered, feet connecting with the ground. She stumbled and keeled over, throwing up into the trashcan.

Harvey immediately held her and rubbed her back. She pushed him away, faltering and standing up using Harvey's best post. Her entire stomach fired up, cramping painfully. "Donna, stay. I'm going to go anyways."

"No, Harvey. I'm going to stay with Rachel," she pointed to her friend, who looked like a deer in headlights, refusing Harvey's help. "Don't worry." She tried to smile but it turned into a grimace. Her legs were weak, but she wouldn't show it; Harvey didn't need to worry about her.

"At least take the car?" Harvey asked, watching Donna motion for Rachel to come and help her. Rachel put on her heels and her trench coat before helping Donna into her coat. Then Rachel wrapped an arm around her friend's waist and led them out the bedroom.

"It's okay Harvey. We'll take a taxi." Donna leaned on Rachel, using her as a crutch and hiding her face.

"Call me if you need anything okay?" He called after them, sitting onto the bed and burying his head into his hands as the door clicked closed.

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. _Donna sniffed softly, clinging on Rachel's arm in the yellow New York taxi. A tear travelled down her face. _Damn it. _She wiped it away before Rachel could notice. Another one. Another sob. _Fuck, seriously? _She brought her knees up to her chest.

Rachel leaned over to her friend, taking her hand as a sign of solidarity, "I'm sorry Donna."

"I'm fine," Donna tried holding back another tear, before another sob escaped her. She wasn't sure what was more painful. The stabbing pain in her abdomen or the knife twisting in her heart.

"Oh Honey," Rachel hugged Donna tightly, only making the pain more severe.

"I don't even know why I'm crying," Donna wiped her eyes, "Make it stop, please make it stop," Donna pleaded to anyone who would hear her. She needed him hold her and tell her that everything was going to be all right.

Harvey sat, staring down at his leather shoes, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He ripped out his tie and roared, throwing it across the room. Everything these past could days was making him feel things he hated about himself. This is why you can't care about people. Once you care, they start needing things and wanting more; Scottie was one of those people. He wasn't sure what possessed him to make her stay that night, two months ago. Maybe it was just the incessant need to be with someone. He was getting older and Scottie was right there in front of him.

He stood up slowly, walking over to the tie and picking it up gently, almost as if he were sorry. Donna gave him that tie and since then it's become his lucky one. He sighed, letting the rage cool down as he smoothed down the beautiful fabric. Donna was in pain when she left; he saw her face drain of color when she stood up and he heard her break down once she exited the apartment. He should go to Scottie's; however much Harvey didn't want to do anything that night, he wasn't one to break promises.

So he changed clothing, and then hailed a taxi to Scottie's apartment. She waited for him by the door in nothing by her lingerie and chocolate syrup. Before he even knocked the door was open and her lips assaulted his; they were full and covered with sweet whipped cream. Although he kissed her back, the only things he could think of were Donna's soft lips and how they experimented with whipped cream nearly eleven years ago; time flew and there was nothing he could do.

"Hey Scottie," he surfaced from the kiss, scratching the back of his head.

"Harvey," she purred seductively, pulling him inside while kissing him full on the lips and running her hands through his hair.

He pushed her back gently, "Look, I really can't today. I just want to sleep." He held her hands and kissed her chastely, nothing like her brash passionate kisses. They didn't work well together; he didn't need anymore mindless passion. He needed someone to love.

She frowned, "But Harvey, you promised."

_No, I didn't. _He sighed, trying something else. "I'm just really tired," _He was. _"I just want to sleep next to you tonight, okay? Maybe tomorrow?"

"It's Donna, isn't it," Scottie let go of Harvey, "It's Donna." She sighed, looking down and biting her lips sadly.

"No, no." _Yes, it is. _"It's not. It's just that I haven't slept in what feels like a week. Please Scottie," He could still feel the anger coming from her pores. He tried again, "Honey, come on." She lightened on his use of words. Honey meant something. Scottie was just the whore he fucked everything he saw her. Harvey knew how to read what she wanted so well, yet she knew almost nothing about him.

"Fine," She acquiesced, dragging him into the bedroom. "I'm kind of tired too," she look off the clothing in a sensual manner, hoping Harvey would have the impetus to rip it off her body and take her right there. But, he didn't even look at her. He only sighed, took of his shoes, and landed on her bed. He placed his phone on the table and fell asleep almost immediately.

"I love you," Scottie whispered sadly, like a woman who knew she had lost. He didn't love her and she understood, but that didn't mean that he could never love her, right? Scottie traced his stubble with her hand and lightly grazed his hand, hoping he would latch on, but he didn't. He just lay there on her bed, totally out of place in her home. "Why don't you love me?" She felt a tear drop onto her hand, and she wiped it away, staring at the ceiling unable to sleep, speak, or even do anymore more than hope Harvey cradles her in the middle of the night.

Hours later, Scottie was still awake. Harvey's phone pierced the silence loud and clear. She reached over him and looked at the caller ID: Donna.

"Who's is it?" Harvey mumbled through his sleep.

"Mine, don't worry. Go to sleep," She lied. She opened his phone, turning it on mute before deleting the call from his history. She loved him. He would forgive her.

_En Fin_

_AN: I hope you enjoyed that! I loved writing it. Originally, I had included a section about James and the crash, but I decided to move that later in the story. _

_Scottie was, I'll admit, the hardest to write. She doesn't appear much in the TV show. I wanted to illustrate her as a person, not just the bitch that stole Harvey from Donna. She's human, and she has her faults. What I think highlighted her experience in my fic was her love for Harvey. She genuinely loves him and genuinely cares, regardless of whether or not she shows it well. _

_Also, I wanted to point out Jessica here. Jessica is a hard boss, but she also wants Harvey to be okay. She pats him on the back and she comforts him, while also berating him for leading Scottie on (well, she kind of does in her last line, asking him to sort out his priorities). I think she has great character development, even though I didn't really like her this season. _

_One last point, I feel as though Rachel and Donna's relationship isn't as strong as the show paints it to be. They seem to have a pretty large age gap: Rachel's probably at most 28. Donna's probably 40. In addition, Donna and Rachel kind of grow apart. They're like work Best Friends, that's it? I don't know. That's just the feeling I get from them. Thoughts?_

_Finally, to all my awesome possum readers, Have a Happy Holiday Season! Stay Happy! Don't let final results get you down! All I want for Christmas/Hanukkah/Saturnalia/Kwanza/New Year's are reviews! Those would be the best presents ever. _

_LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH, _

_Shannon_


	7. Pick Up, Please

_AN: Happy New Year, my friends! I'm super happy so far with the new year. It started off with a BANG! Sherlock was AMAZING. I watched Scandal(Also really really really good). And I've been lazy as humanly possible. School started again today, but that too was great. My English professor loves my work and he offered to mentor me in a competition. So thus far, YAY!_

_With regards to the story: This chapter is graphic - not as in sex, as in rape, self-harm, and depression. We'll be seeing Donna's dreams from her point of view. If you are object to that, please skip down to after the page break. However, I do recommend reading it - the dream gives an insight to what's going on in Donna's head. So without further ado, here goes!_

**Pick Up, Please**

She could feel something sticky and hot ooze onto her fingers as she surfaced into consciousness. It was almost dusk, the sun was setting and the whole world began to cool. The substance on her fingers was red, like blood. It was blood. Whose blood? James was next to her, dead. His beautiful face, hanging broken onto his side, was caked with drying red globs. He'd been hurt, even after he died in the car crash. Who hurt him?

That means her baby is here. Emily is here somewhere. Where is she? Donna's eyes darted around the alleyways frantically, looking for something more precious than her life. She looked down, hoping to see an extended stomach. Maybe her baby was still safe. No. Her stomach was flat, but she was in just as much pain as that day. She couldn't move; she was paralyzed. But, she could feel her legs ache, as if they had been shredded. Her thighs shook and she slowly drew them closer to her chest, but stopped midway. They throbbed unbearably. Oh God.

Her left arm hung limply at her side; she remembered in the car crash, she had broken every bone and tore every muscle in her arm. She could barely move her fingers. Her right arm only had evidence of her own self-harm, covered in scars. Painfully, she moved her arm to her pelvis. A rib cracked. But, she ignored it, moving her hand between her legs. Fluid mixed with blood dripped onto her hands. There was nothing she could do but choke back a sob and close her eyes, hoping to leave this world. How did she get here? Everything swirled in her brain.

"Donna," Steven's voice called out, "My sweetheart." His sound chilled her to her very bones and made her curl up into herself. It was sickly sweet and terrible. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," her voice called out, unwaveringly. It didn't sound like hers, she felt broken and vulnerable and she wanted to die. "Leave Steven."

"Aw. Donna doesn't want me anymore. Boo hoo." Steven made a crying motion with his hands. "No," He shouted, loud and clear, causing her headache to be insufferable. He walked closer to her, breathing down her neck, "Honey, You seemed to enjoy me before." He cackled.

"You are a murderer, a killer," She spat on his polished black shoes, ignoring the twinge in her chest and the stab in her stomach. "You disgust me."

He slapped her across the face and lifted up her skirt. Her legs were too shredded, too hurt to fight back. He thrust two fingers into her body brutally, ripping her insides once again. She bit her lips, trying not to give him to pleasure of seeing her in pain. He scraped her and kissed her closed lips, "Oh please, you love me." He inserted another finger, causing her to cry out, writhing. "See, you're even moaning for me." He laughed.

"Please stop," Donna pleaded, "Please." She couldn't feel herself anymore in this shell of a woman, laying on the floor of a New York alleyway, being fucked by man she once thought was everything he truly wasn't.

He pulled his fingers out, giving her momentary relief, before he kicked her in the chest and broke another one of her ribs. She couldn't breathe. He took off his pants and came closer to her. "You think you can stop me? You bitch," He breathed ferociously, parting her legs further than she could bear, and she moaned, writhing. She was in so much pain, covered in blood and grime. He ran his fingers over her uncovered thigh and pressed into her abdomen.

She couldn't bear it anymore. Her eyes watered and her insides felt on fire. He was going to rape her, again. Her body was weak; she started to lose feeling in her fingers and her toes. She was going to die. That was okay. She wanted to die.

He leaned completely on top of her with his genitals waving in her face. She screamed, she yelled. Someone needed to save her. "Stop. Please," She cried, turning her face away. "Harvey! Please. Make it stop." He moved down her body, until his face was so closer to hers.

"Your Harvey can't save you now," he laughed at her predicament, "No one can."

"Stop," She shouted. He breathed onto her face and clamped down on her mouth, lowering himself aggressively into her. "No," She screamed. Her body couldn't take it. She couldn't do anything about it. He shoved and shoved harder, pressing down on her and beating her.

Suddenly the pressure alleviated. Steven was not there on her, but she could hear yells of pain. Harvey. She tried to sit up, but her pelvis seemed broken, her legs didn't work. They were unable even to close properly.

Gunshots. Harvey yelled. Steven was pushed onto the floor and tackled. The gun went off again. "Harvey, get out of here!" She yelled, not wanting him to be hurt.

Sickening cracks of bone. Was that Harvey or Steven? She tried not to think of Harvey being hurt. She vomited onto her side. Her right hand touched the ground and she leaned against the wall, moving up slowly. They were all on the floor.

James was next to her, already dead. Steven was in front of her, writhing. And Harvey. His eyes were open, staring at her. He inched over to her, cradling her head against his chest. She welcomed his touch, so caring, so different from Steven's.

Steven's hand twitched. Another gun shot. It hit Harvey's heart. "No," She tried to stop the bleeding. He stopped her, holding her hand, "No. No. No." She screamed. "No, Kill me." Her hands scrambled and she moved closer to him, ignoring the excruciating pain. "No. Harvey. Don't die on me!"

He trembled, moving his hand up to her face before dropping it. "Harvey," tears flowed freely down her face, "Harvey. Kiss me." He was already dead. "I love you. Please don't leave me here." She broke down in never-ending sobs and swore at the sky, "No."

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Rachel shook her, screamed at her, did everything she could to wake Donna up, but Donna wouldn't budge. "Harvey! No," Donna only screamed, shook, and cried in her sleep. Until suddenly, she shot up, clutching her chest unable to breathe. Rachel sat next to her on the bed, rubbing Donna's back softly.

Donna couldn't move again, only able to focus on that last image of Harvey dying on the cold hard concrete. Where was he? Where was Harvey? Something happened to Harvey. Her chest felt like it was kicked in. Her thighs tingled and her pelvis cracked. Cramps were once again shooting down her abdomen, but none of it was worse than the uncertainty. Every night for the past two months has been filled with horrors, but none so graphic, none so terrible. She shut her eyes tightly and tried to breathe.

"Honey?" Rachel asked softly. Donna's head swung around, scared of the voice she heard. Steven said honey. Steven hurt her. It was only Rachel, sitting the dark with tears in her eyes. Donna had tears in her eyes too; she couldn't stop them from falling. Her whole body was in pain. She was violated again, even in her own nightmares.

"I'm okay," Donna dismissed, not wanting to talk about it. "Can you get me my phone?" She asked, wavering a little and bringing the blanket up her chest. Steven's touch lingered on her body, even though it never happened, she could feel his fingers in her, on her.

"Okay," Rachel answered, not wanting to push her friend to tell her anything. "Here," she passed the device into Donna's trembling hands.

Donna typed in her passcode incorrectly, shaking. Again. Finally, she unlocked it and called Harvey, the only person in her 'favorites' folder. Please pick up. He didn't. Again. He still didn't pick up. Donna bit her lip, more and more anxious. Harvey's ring tone is loud and obnoxious. He doesn't ever not pick up his phone. He always picks up.

Donna's whole body trembled as she called and called, waiting for the only person she truly trusted to pick up. Rachel couldn't stand watching it anymore, "Donna?" She placed her hand on Donna's back and Donna flinched involuntarily, "What happened?"

"Nothing. I'm okay," Donna answered quivering. "I'm going to use your bathroom, okay? Don't worry," she moved off of the bed and stood on her two feet. The pressure on her pelvis was enormous. Her thighs were jelly. She leaned onto the bedside table and moved slowly into the master bath. Walking was hard. She felt her body about to yield to the pain, but she pressed on, closing the door behind her and sinking onto the ground. Ironically, she was in the same position as she was in the dream. Her eyes closed and all she could see was Steven on top of her, viciously entering into her body.

Donna grabbed a towel and placed it in her mouth, stopping herself from crying out and alarming Rachel. Tears ran down her face, creating rivers as deep as the Grand Canyon. Her inner flame was extinguished. She couldn't live anymore. She turned on the faucet to hide any noises she would make. Grabbing a razor from Rachel's tub, she cut into her raw skin, but she couldn't feel it. The pain didn't ground her in reality; it didn't erase the feeling of helplessness and vulnerability. Where was Harvey? She called again, scared of what she was going to do. Please pick up. Please be okay. She prayed to whoever was listening. She cut deeper, trying to rid the images from her head and exposing more and more blood onto the granite floor. Why could she still feel the kick in her chest and his grimy fingers in her?

Something sticky drenched her underwear. She could feel her body cramp up again, even worse than the first day. She couldn't cry; she clenched harder onto the cotton towel and pushed herself off the floor onto the toilet seat. The floor where she was sitting was bloody. Was it from her wrists or from her bottom? She pulled down her pants slowly and looked down at her white underwear. Brownish red splotches appeared on the white fabric. Donna felt sick, feverish. Her pelvis was sore, feeling as though Steven had truly forced himself onto her. He might as well have; she felt it in her body. She pulled her pants back up, feeling her headache pound against her skull. Vertigo hit her, disabling any control she had of her body. She sank to the ground, still losing blood from her wrists.

Donna reached her phone again and called desperately, longing to hear his voice telling her that it was all going to be okay. He would save her. He would make her feel alive again. He would make Steven go away. He didn't pick up.

Where were Rachel's pills? Where was Rachel's medicine cabinet? Donna's head pounded, but she stumbled over to the sink, leaning on the counter and opening the cabinet looking for anything to gulp down to stop her brain from thinking. Tylenol. Antidepressants. Aspirin. And a hidden Tequila bottle. Please Harvey, Pick up the phone. Her hands fumbled as she grabbed them all and popped them into her mouth, washing it down with the tequila. A sudden rush hit her all at once. She felt intoxicated and okay at the same time. It was freeing. It felt good to die.

"Donna?" Rachel asked, "What's going on?" No response. Donna had fallen onto the floor, embracing the dizzy feeling. "Donna?" Rachel called louder, waiting for Donna to respond to her calls. She still didn't.

Rachel barged into the room, scared for what she would find. It was worse. Donna was lying in a pool of her own blood, with pills scattered all over the floor. Her eyes were closed and she had a smile on her face. "Donna!" Rachel screamed.

Donna cracked open her eyes, smiling, "What?"

"Oh my God," Rachel reached for her own phone and dialed 9-1-1. She began to feel for Donna's pulse, noticing the scars along her arms, and monitored her temperature. The dispatcher told her that the team would be there in a minute and to perform CPR if necessary.

"I'm fine Rachel," Donna said, "Let me go." She smiled. The image before her of sandy beaches and Harvey wrapped around her was much prettier in comparison to the dark New York alleyway and Steven.

"No. I'm not letting you go." Rachel said fiercely, dialing Harvey's phone. He still didn't pick up. Donna felt cold; her body heat was leaving her and her lips turned blue.

"It's okay Rach. I know you're scared, but let me go," Donna persuaded. She started seizing. Her blood sugar level dropped so low that she shook and convulsed. Rachel positioned Donna on her side and held her down. She knew that Donna was already injured, making her a prime candidate for irreversible damage.

"Come on. Please Donna. Work with me here," Rachel growled. The emergency dispatchers entered her apartment and brought a gurney. They carried Donna onto it and Rachel collected the drugs that Donna had overdosed on. She ran after them, watching as they stabilized her friend and tried to keep her heart rate steady.

The on call doctor in the ER looked exhausted, but he ran forward, helping them immediately. "What did she take?"

Rachel held up the packets of drugs, "Tylenol, Aspirin, Prozac, and tequila." She lingered in the trauma room as the doctor worked.

"We need to pump her stomach," he shouted to the interns, "How long ago did she take it?"

"Twenty minutes tops." Rachel answered, tears running down her face as she watched her friend's heartbeat stop.

"Damn it!" The doctor shouted. "Charge to 200." He pressed the paddles onto Donna's chest and shocked her. It didn't work. The on call nurse performed CPR and the doctor shouted again, "Charge to 300!" He shocked her and they waited. The familiar beep sounded again and the doctor let loose a sigh.

"Okay guys, it's a beautiful day to save lives," He smiled at the small victory, "Let's pump her stomach and put her on an IV. We need to increase her blood sugar." The doctor turned to Rachel, "Why don't you sit in our waiting room? We have pretty subpar coffee. But, it works."

She nodded, backing away scared. Where was Harvey? Why wasn't he picking up?

Harvey woke up next to Scottie; she curled up into a ball next to her, clinging onto his arm. The position was reminiscent to the morning before, except different person, different feeling. He wanted Donna next to him. Scottie, however, was an unwelcome foreign object. He shook her slightly, jarring her awake.

She smiled, "Morning."

He rubbed his eyes blearily, "We have to go." Harvey reached for his phone, noticing that he had no messages and no calls. Donna must be okay; he sighed, relieved. "Ray will be here in fifteen." Harvey stood up, changing into his three-piece suit.

"No," Scottie stood up, "Hank is coming." Scottie referred to her driver.

Harvey sighed, running his hand through his hair and buckling his belt, "Call him off then. Besides, how do you even stand it in there; all he ever plays is pop." Scottie was the one who requested the pop music.

"All Ray plays is Jazz!" Scottie retorted, moving into her morning routine.

"I know, Actual music," Harvey proceeded to brush his teeth and hair, "I'm going in Ray's car." He ended the discussion. "By the way, who was calling you in the middle of the night?"

Scottie fidgeted, "Wrong number." She fumbled with her makeup, laughing nervously, "Wasting my beauty sleep." Scottie had stayed up late into the night, deleting phone calls and messages from Donna and Rachel.

They both were ready, departing from the building. Both drivers were waiting for them in the front of the building. "Ray, Hank," Harvey nodded to the two of them before entering his own car. "Scottie, I'll see you at the office. I have to go to my apartment to get something anyways," He quickly pecked her on the cheeks and motioned for Ray to drive away.

Scottie was left alone on the sidewalk, feeling ever ignored, wondering what she would be feeling if Harvey picked up his phone yesterday night, probably despair.

Harvey sighed once the car sped up; he didn't want to hurt Scottie's feelings, but he was done. She was clingy and she took so much effort. He couldn't handle it anymore. He wasn't in love with her; he could only barely tolerate her.

"Rough night?" Ray asked cautiously.

"You could say so," Harvey responded, trying to level his emotions. Suddenly, Harvey's phone vibrated. It was from an unknown number. He picked up, using his signature arrogant tone "Harvey Specter."

"Mr. Specter? This is Mt. Sinai hospital. We have you down as the emergency contact for Donna Paulsen." The woman's voice was sympathetic and a little bit sad.

Harvey tensed up, feeling the palms of his hands start sweating and his heart start beating faster, "This is he. How may I help you?"

"She's in the ICU right now. I'm afraid I can't give you too much information, but you should come." His heart nearly stopped. She was fine; she had to be fine. "Mr. Specter?"

"Yes." He snapped, "I'll be there." Harvey clutched his chest, trying to regulate his breathing. "Ray. To Mt. Sinai hospital as fast as you can go." His driver nodded, noting the anxiety in his boss' voice.

Scottie saw Harvey's car suddenly turn and move in a different direction. She sighed. That meant Donna had finally reached Harvey. She ordered her driver to follow the car and was surprised when they reached the hospital. She thought back to the tens of calls she deleted; Harvey was going to kill her if he found out.

Harvey ran out of the car before Ray even came to a full stop; Scottie ran after him. "Where's Donna Paulsen's room?" He demanded to the nurse in the front desk.

"ICU 19. Keep on going and turn left twice." She answered, knowing exactly how to deal with frantic family members. Harvey sprinted again, without pausing to say thank you.

When he arrived at the door, he saw Rachel crying on Mike's shoulder near the door. He looked inside. "Oh God," Harvey pressed against the window, clenching his fists. She was attached to so many machines: a breathing tube, a heart monitor, blood pressure monitor and more. She was so pale; her body washed of color. Her chest was wrapped with gauze and layers of white material covered her arms.

Rachel looked up, engaging Harvey and demanding, "Where were you? We all called you so many times!" Rachel teared up again, "She was trying to call you, but you wouldn't pick up and she just couldn't take it anymore.

Harvey was startled; his phone showed no missed calls from anyone. His phone buzzed again, alerting him that he was supposed to meet a client. His phone buzzed. Buzzed. Harvey's phone always rang, never buzzed. "What happened?" Harvey asked, feeling his heart constrict and beat erratically.

Rachel blubbered, "I don't know. She had a nightmare and she couldn't breathe. And she went to the bathroom and when I found her she was lying in a pool of her own blood and overdosed on pills and washed it down with tequila." Rachel broke down into sobs again and Mike held her as close as possible to him.

Harvey couldn't take it anymore. He leaned onto the window and tried to stop himself from breaking down. Scottie showed up next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Oh my God." She peered into the window.

Harvey turned towards her, suddenly suspicious, "Scottie, remember last night you had a wrong number phone call. Was that my phone?" He couldn't believe he asked; however jealous Scottie got, she would never delete his calls. She would never do it.

"No," She answered sheepishly.

He could read right through her, "Scottie. Oh God. That was Donna, calling me." He lifted up his finger to point at her, "You," He was shaking, "You deleted the phone calls and you tried to lie to me." He glared accusingly.

Scottie broke down at his glare: full of hatred, full of anger. "I'm sorry Harvey. I'm sorry. I just wanted you to sleep next to me. I wanted you to love me." She moved closer to him, "Please forgive me. Please." She pleaded through tears, trying to kiss him and hug him.

He snubbed her advances, too disgusted by Scottie and too scared for Donna. He walked away from her.

"Wait. Harvey," She ran after him, "You have to give me a chance to explain. I don't even know why I did it. Please," She cried. "It just happened. I didn't know what I was doing."

"No. You take away my chance to save Donna and all you can say is 'it just happened?" He roared and turned around, raising his arm to slap her. But, he stopped halfway, physically using his other arm to bring his hand down. "Leave Scottie."

"No! I'm not going. We're Harvey and Scottie." She shouted back, convinced of their love.

"Get out of the hospital now!" He thundered, not wanting to see her in ever again.

She stood there, crying, "No. I'm holding my ground. I love you." She walked closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, "I love you. You have to give me a chance to show you. I'm sorry."

He untangled her arms from around his neck, "I don't love you." He looked at her thoroughly, taking in the messy hair and the wrinkled clothing; it wasn't endearing, it wasn't love. "You disgust me, Scottie. I look at you and I'm nauseous. Leave. We're not Harvey and Scottie anymore." He turned around, that was finality, not a discussion.

"Please Harvey," Scottie pleaded. But, Harvey just looked into Donna's room, not even hearing Scottie's voice.

Harvey couldn't take it anymore; he walked into Donna's room, ignoring Rachel's protests. He needed to see her; he needed to know she was still alive. He needed to feel her pulse beating against his fingers. She was everything; she couldn't leave him. He leaned over her body and pressed a kiss to her temple, running a hand through her hair. She was breathtaking, even with the tubes running through her and the pale lifeless aura pervading through the room.

A doctor walked in, addressing him, "Mr. Specter?" She walked forward, facing Harvey. "I'm sorry. I know this is hard and painful." Harvey nodded. The doctor continued, "Ms. Paulsen was brought into the ER at 4:06 AM. We were able to pump her stomach and rid her body of the toxins. She seized multiple times and we had to resuscitate 2 times. When we performed the resuscitation, five of her ribs cracked due to the pressure for CPR. She tried to resist treatment when she woke up earlier, so we put her wrists in the restraints."

"Take them off." Harvey ordered, knowing that Donna would be even more scared if she were held back.

"But sir, we can't have any of the medical staff hurt and she needs intense monitoring." The doctor explained.

"Take them off," he growled, reaching for her wrists to undo the restraints. "Look, she'll be even more terrified and stressed if she's in restraints."

The doctor relented, moving to Donna's other side to unwrap her wrists. "We had to reinsert the breathing tube because she was having trouble breathing. I'll come back when she's awake, which should be soon." Harvey nodded, dismissing the doctor.

Harvey pulled a chair close to the bed and held Donna's hand, moving it gently into his. The gauze moved slightly and he could see the gash in her arm, he sighed, kissing it gently.

The sedative induced sleep didn't give her any relief from her nightmares. They were still there, ever present, unchanging. She couldn't wake up; she couldn't do anything. She was stuck in the endless cycle of being raped time after time and seeing Harvey try and fail to stop Steven every time. Donna was sick to her stomach; she couldn't deal with it anymore. The ache in her thighs was unbearable. Her whole body was shaking, trembling, wanting to make it end. Why did Rachel have to save her? Why couldn't Rachel have let her go? This torture was worse than anything, ruining her trust and ruining her body. She could feel Harvey next to her, trying to pull her out of the nightmare, but she couldn't wake up.

Her whole body was convulsing, shaking. She couldn't scream because of the breathing tube in her mouth and she couldn't open her eyes. Harvey held her hand and ran his hand through her hair comforting her and waiting for the nightmare to be over. She finally shook awake, alarmed by the tube in her throat. The doctor ran in, placating her and taking the tube out.

She latched onto Harvey's body, clinging tightly. "I'm right here," He kissed her hair and wrapped his arms around her trembling body, "I'm right here. That was a nightmare. Nothing happened. You're okay." He could feel tears running down his face as he said those words. She was alive.

"Why didn't you pick up your phone?" She asked, hoarse and crying. "Why didn't you pick up? I needed you. Where were you?" She sobbed into his arms. "Why did you let them save me? I wanted to die." She couldn't live with the nightmares anymore, with the feeling of inadequacy and vulnerability.

He sat onto her bed behind her, holding her as she dug her nails into his skin, trying to rid the images in her head. She was hurt. Her whole body was hurt. He knew that already from her posture. Her arms couldn't move further up from where they were next to her; her back was aching because she was leaning heavily onto him; her ribs cracked as she moved. None of it was worse than the nightmares. "I'm here now." He answered, feeling inadequate. "I'm here." He kissed her temple and kept her in his embrace.

"I can feel it," she whispered, "I can feel him in me." She clenched her hands onto Harvey, trying to stop the desire to hurt herself, "My legs feel like they've been pushed apart and my body has been violated. He pushed his fingers up me and he wouldn't stop," Donna put pressure on her thighs, trying to stop the pain that wasn't supposed to even exist. She buried into Harvey, cramping terribly, "Oh God. Make it Stop. Make it Stop," she pleaded, "I can't take it anymore." She clawed at her legs, punching them. He stopped her, folding her into his arms.

Harvey placed a hand on her legs, "Can you feel this?" She nodded, trusting him more than any other person in the world. He massaged her legs, going down the length, stopping at her upper thighs. She leaned into him, watching as he showed her that he was the only one next to her. Steven wasn't there. He moved behind her, gently massaging her shoulders and her neck, relaxing her body. She felt safe around him; he would never hurt her. He wrapped her tightly in his arms, lightly placing his hands on her abdomen and resting her head in the crook of his neck. "It's going to be okay," he whispered into her ear.

Tears still ran down her face as she leaned into him, welcoming his embrace. Harvey was next to her; she was going to be okay. She nodded, breathing deeply and holding his hands around her, making sure he didn't move away. She needed him.

_En Fin_

_AN: Every time I read through the beginning, I get chills. Imagine how terrible it would be to dream of that every single night. I hope it was an appropriate explanation to the cutting, the self harm, the weight loss, the pain. I promise we've reached the lowest point possible in the story. Donna can only get stronger from here. Donna and Harvey can only get closer now. There will be bumps in the road, which i will probably depict with more emphasis than the good parts, but know that the good will happen. _

_Two questions - Was the breakup satisfying? What are your thoughts on the bathroom scene?_

_Make my week even better with reviews? I would love to hear your thoughts. Reviews are my life source. _

_Love, _

_Shannon _


	8. Let's Fall in Love

_AN: Hello my lovelies. My math final was curved so much it was great. A's for the win! Thank the Lord for that. Also, I just turned in my essay to my teacher who wants to read it as an example to other students. YAY. _

_The chapter you're about to read is a lot brighter than the previous one. Donna is beaten down and hurt, but Harvey is there for her; that made me really happy. _

_Thank you all my reviewers! You're insights about the relationships between the people are always appreciated. __First the newcomers - WELCOME! It's always great to see new people reading the story, especially since it's getting a little long. haha. Dee1122: I love the idea of introducing Steven as another obstacle, but frankly I don't like him. blechergugh. Harvey probably would be so adamantly against it. Maybe I'll write a scene where Donna might want a little more closure and Harvey being so protective and scared? Guest: There might be a little Scottie sprinkled in, but not that much because I also just don't like her. I think I'm going for positive relationships now. I want the road to recovery, with a lot of angst too. hmmm... _

_My very loyal reviewers - izzalima, LoveSuits2013, and hikeyosemite - I'm so thankful for your support thus far. You've reviewed almost every chapter with such great suggestions and comments, which I live for. So thank you! I hope you keep on going with me!_

**Let's Fall in Love**

Eventually, Donna started finding it harder and harder to breathe. Her ribs began hurting and her breathing became shallow.

"Donna?" Harvey asked quietly, holding a breathing mask over her face. She accepted, but then ripped it off, feeling as though the mask was a Steven's hand over her mouth. She shook her head, gagging at the thought.

"Harvey," Donna wheezed, "I can't breathe." She moaned, clutching her chest, "Harvey," Tears ran down her face as she grabbed for his hand. Her ribs flared up in pain.

"It's okay," He moved away from her, laying her down flat onto the bed, "Your ribs are broken, just try to take deep breaths." He held her hand tightly and motioned for her to inhale and exhale with him. He grabbed her hand tightly, seeing her pained expression.

"I want to go Harvey. I want to go." Donna lay in his arms, trying her best. Harvey ran a hand through her hair. "Please Harvey," she squeezed his hand, wincing, "I don't like this."

"I know," he kissed her forehead, "Soon okay?" She nodded, motioning for him to hold her again; the connection through their hands wasn't enough. He moved next to her, careful to not disturb her chest or pelvis, lying sideways and resting an arm protectively around her abdomen, "No one's going to hurt you, I promise," She snuggled next to him, letting him comfort her and whisper quietly into her ear.

"Harvey's the only one that can do that for Donna," Rachel noted, looking inside through the window, "He's the only one that can calm her down."

Mike nodded smiling to see his hard-ass boss care so much about someone. "She's also the only on that can get him to care about her. He loves her," Mike watched as Harvey stroked Donna's hair and Donna held back tears, listening to Harvey comfort her.

"We should go," Rachel said, feeling as though she were intruding in a very private moment. Mike nodded, but wanted to say goodbye.

"Hey guys?" Mike asked into the room, holding Rachel's hand and peering into the room. Donna shivered a little, burying closer into Harvey's chest, "Rachel and I are going to go, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you guys for being here" Harvey answered for Donna, who was trembling in his arms. He turned to Donna after they left, running a hand through her hair, "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," She tried to regulate her breathing, "I just suddenly felt scared," she sighed into his chest; another man's voice seemed to ring in her ears. "I'm okay." Harvey brought her closer into his chest, smelling her hair.

"Donna," Addison walked into the room quietly.

"Hey Addie," Donna responded, untangling a little from Harvey.

"I heard you were here, so I wanted to check on you and make sure that everything is healing well," Addison smiled softly. Harvey moved off the bed and held Donna's hand. "Is that okay with you?"

Donna nodded quietly, hoping her body would react the same way as her logical brain.

"Okay," Addison moved closer, bringing up the stirrups. "Can you bring your legs onto the stirrups?" Donna shook her head, embarrassed; her legs were weak and sore. Addison frowned, concerned about Donna's weakness. "Okay. I'm going to lift them up." The surgeon placed one of Donna's legs onto the stirrups; Donna winced. The movement sent a jolt up her spine. When Addison placed the other leg onto the stirrup, Donna cried out. Her body ripped apart, but she was too weak to move her legs back down. Addison immediately lowered the stirrups, hoping to alleviate the pain.

Harvey squeezed Donna's hand and placed a hand on her forehead. Turning to Addison, he asked, "What happened?"

Addison moved closer to Donna's hips, asking if she could feel for any lesions. Donna nodded, biting her lips and trying not to cry. The doctor prodded Donna's skin and palpated for any abnormity, but she found none. Donna's cervix was healing, the area showed no indication of an infection. The muscle area should not be so tender, so painful; many of her patients were able to go about their daily lives three days after a D&C. Addison used her gloved hands to test the muscle on Donna's inner thigh; Donna whimpered in pain. Steven had touched her there; Steven ran his hand along her thigh. She buried her face into Harvey's chest, "Addie, Stop. Please." Donna pleaded.

"Just one more second, okay?" The doctor moved her gloved hand closer to Donna's vaginal area, touching the insertion point of the rod for the D&C. All Donna could feel was Steven shoving his fingers, then his genitalia up her body, scraping and ripping her skin.

"No, no. Stop," Donna thrashed, clenching her fists and whimpering, "Steven, Stop." Harvey glared at Addison for causing Donna pain; his rational brain knew that it wasn't Addison's fault, but Donna in pain wasn't time for rational, it was emotional and terrifying.

The doctor backed away and took off her gloves, "Donna, it's just me. It's okay." Addison helped Donna's legs off the stirrups and waited for her friend to return from the thoughts that consumed her, "There's no infection. Everything is healing well; I don't know where your pain is coming from," she admitted. "I mean, some weakness and pain is to be expected because of what happened today, and some of it is normal, for example you might have severe cramps, back aches, or pelvic pain. But, to the level that you're unable to lift your legs…" Addison trailed off, "I'm worried. It could be serious. There's a potential for chronic pain to develop both in your pelvis and back if we don't get to the bottom of this. But let's not worry about that until we have to; I'm going to go get an ortho consult."

"She's had all of the above," Harvey said quietly, "She's had all of the above. She can't stand, sit, sleep, or move without cramps, back aches, pelvic pain, weakness in her legs, headaches, shoulder and neck immobility." He listed off, getting increasing emotional.

"Harvey, It's okay," Donna patted his hand, "It's not her fault."

"No, it's not okay," Harvey stood up, "It's not okay. She's in pain and you can't do anything? It's your job." He demanded to Addison.

"Harvey," Donna whispered, "Stop. Too loud." Her head started pounding again, breaking her into pieces, "I'm okay." He sat down again, holding her hand as she squeezed her eyes shut. "Addie?" Donna inquired.

"Yeah, I'm right here," Addison gripped Donna's other hand encouragingly.

"Everything down there is okay, right?" Donna asked, scared.

"I think so; I probably need to perform more tests, but I can't if you're in so much pain. Everything looks fine," Addison smiled softly.

Donna sighed, "Can you give us a moment?" Addison nodded, walking away. Donna turned towards Harvey, lifting her arm up laboriously to run a hand through his ungelled hair. "Harvey, I'm okay. I'm still here." She smiled a little, trying to be happy, for him.

"But it's not okay," He looked down, "You're in so much pain; you're so thin; you're so pale." He held onto her hand, trying to keep himself steady, "I miss your smile and I miss the twinkle in your eyes." He kissed the back of her hand. Suddenly his eyes darkened, "And he keeps on hurting you and I can't do anything about it."

"Harv," She squeezed his hand with the little bit of strength she had left, "I know. I miss me too," She fought back tears, "I miss being able to look myself in the eyes when I look at my reflection. I miss being able to do something without needing your help. But, that's not your fault. Nothing is your fault." She sighed, "I'm sorry I can't be Donna right now."

He looked into her eyes, full of love, full of worry, "You're perfect. You're going to get through this. We're going to get through this."

"No, not we. Me," She ran a hand longingly on his stubble, "The best thing you can do for me is live, Harvey. I can't burden you. You heard her; it's serious. It's probably not going to go away. You'll be better without me," She looked away, waiting for him to leave her to the darkness consuming her thoughts.

"Donna, look at me," she refused. "Donna," he growled, holding her hand tighter, "I will never, I can never be better without you. You're everything to me. I lo-" she stopped him

"Don't," she rested a finger on his lips, "Don't say it. You're going to regret it and you're going to hate me. Don't say anything you wouldn't have said I wasn't in pain and if I didn't just try to commit suicide," Donna teared up and Harvey tensed.

He ran a hand through her hair, "I should have said this the day I met you, the day I won my first case, the day I came to your apartment and we did things with whipped cream that no one should ever hear about, the day after when I asked you to come with me, the day you carried me through my dad's funeral, the day I became junior partner, the day Steven hurt you and you cried because you thought it was your fault. I should have said this years ago and I'm finally saying it now. I love you Donna," He looked her straight in the eyes, "I need you to be okay. I love you."

Tears streaked down her face as she shook her head, "You can't. Don't. I'm going to hurt you or something's going to happen," She looked away again, sobbing, "I can't do it. You're going to resent me when I can't be the person you think I am anymore. You're going to hate me when I can't be Donna again and I'm stuck in this shell of a person. Trust me Harvey. You're better without me. Forget about me and be happy. Keep going with your life. You don't need me as a burden. I'm not worth it," she wanted to make him leave, to make him stop loving her because she was going to disappoint him. She wanted to die and he wanted her to live. "Besides, what about Scottie?"

"Scottie isn't an issue," Harvey brushed the topic away with a type of hatred that Donna had never seen before, but he loved Donna and he immediately turned back into the caring man she knew he was, "Donna, please," He kissed her hand softly, "Please. You're worth everything. Let me love you. I love you." She shook her head, biting her lip and crying out of pain. The hardest thing she'd ever done was pushing away the person she loved. "Please let me hold you," He climbed in next to her, cradling her as she sobbed. She fit perfectly under his chin in his arms; it was painful to think of leaving this position. He kissed the top of her head, "I love you Donna. Please let me love you."

She relented, giving into him. She loved him; her body needed him. He was everything, "I love you too," she let his aroma flood her nostrils, calming her nerves. Donna didn't want to be in love, especially with the person she cared the most about, because he was going to resent her when she couldn't even trust her own body, when she woke up screaming in the middle of the night, when the depression hits her so strong that doing anything takes so much effort. It's happened before, and it would happen again. She's not sure she can handle him leaving.

"I know you're scared, but you know that I'll never hurt you, right?" He asked, suddenly uncertain about himself.

She nodded through a cramp that passed through her body, "I trust you more that I trust myself," she answered firmly. If there was anything she was sure about, it was that Harvey would never hurt her, at least never intentionally. She closed her eyes and let him run his hand along her back and kiss her sweetly, "I'm so tired Harvey," she whispered, "I'm tired of everything. I can't do it anymore."

"I know," He brought his lips down to hers. They fit like a puzzle, molding together into one. It started soft, gently caressing her lips, then their tongues entwined, feeling joined as a unit. A kiss could bring so much passion between two people. "I'm right here for you. We'll get through this, I promise. Please believe me. You are not alone in this. I'm here."

"I love you," Donna mumbled into his shirt, quietly burrowing into Harvey's chest and sinking into his embrace.

"I love you too," he answered, watching as she drifted off, hopefully into a peaceful sleep. "You can't leave me okay? I need you. I can't do it without you," he whispered, knowing that she had already fallen asleep.

"Callie? So, what do you think?" Addison asked her friend, an orthopedic surgeon. They were in the x-ray screening room, looking at Donna's pictures.

"No cracks, no fractures. Her pelvis looks fine; it's a little separated right here," Callie pointed a minute dark area on the screen. "But, that should be because of the pregnancy. You know as well as I do, the body tries to expand to account for the baby. What did you say her symptoms were again?"

"Weakness in the legs, tender thighs, intense constant pelvic pain, shooting back pain, and abdominal cramps." Addison explained, "Her anemia can account for the leg weakness and the D&C can account for the back pain and the cramps, maybe. Most of my patients feel normal by the third day, maybe a little sore. But, she's unable to walk or stand or even sit properly. I ran all the tests, everything. Nothing came up. "

"Oh, well… I think it's psychological Addie. There's no evidence of any physical trauma." The ortho surgeon analyzed, "You said that she was depressed right? I'm pretty sure that can account for all of the symptoms."

"Callie. She's my friend; I watched her finally get better when her first husband was killed in a car crash years ago. I don't want to just tell her that there's nothing I can do. She's in so much pain; it can't happen again."

"We're surgeons Addie, things happen." Callie patted her friend on the shoulder, "Get a psych consult. You'll be helping her."

Addison sighed, watching the other surgeon exit the room. So Harvey was right, there was nothing she could do. She slumped down onto the wall, massaging her temples. So, she would have to call Violet, Donna's old therapist. Maybe that would help.

"Harvey?" Addison poked her head into Donna's room.

He untangled himself from Donna's hospital blankets, pausing to kiss Donna on the temple. Harvey walked out of the room quietly. "Addison, what's wrong?"

"I think it's psychological," the doctor looked down, sighing. "I ran all the tests. I asked ortho. I'm sorry." Addison met Harvey's distressed eyes again. "I'll get a psych consult as soon as possible, okay?"

"No. She'll think we think she's crazy. No." Harvey ran a hand through his hair.

"I'll get the best. It's Donna's old therapist from years ago." Addison reasoned.

"I believe you. But, Addie, she wants to go home. She's tired and scared," Harvey turned towards the window into the room, "She's not going to feel better here, and you know it." He leaned his forehead against the glass window.

"She's weak Harvey. She physically can't move. Professionally speaking, I can't discharge her. Something might happen. We had to break her ribs to resuscitate her." Addison placed a hand on Harvey's shoulders, "I can't do it."

"I don't care Addie," He whispered fiercely, "You know that I'll take care of her. You know she can't get better here when she's surrounded by these white walls and the smell of death," he gestured around himself at the surroundings. "She hates hospitals. You will discharge her. You will tell her she can be okay again."

"I know," Addison looked down sadly. She gave in, "I'll discharge her. The therapist will come tomorrow to your house, okay?"

"Thank you Addie." Harvey nodded to her and walked back into the room, encircling Donna in his arms and kissing her protectively on the forehead.

Hours later, Donna found herself warm, sheltered. She was secure in Harvey's embrace; his chin brushed against her head and his arms encased her body. "Harv?" Donna asked quietly, reassuring herself.

"I'm right here," He answered quietly, pressing a soft kiss against her forehead.

"Can we go home?" She asked vulnerably, wanting to leave the hospital and the past behind her.

"Soon, when they discharge you. Are you feeling better?" He ran a hand along her back, as she curled into him.

"A little," she closed her eyes again. She couldn't really feel Steven's grimy fingers on her anymore. Harvey was there next to her, protecting her. "I really want to go home."

His heart ached for the love of his life. She was in so much pain and he couldn't do anything. "Soon, okay?"

She nodded, fingering the edge of the gauze wrap around her wrists, "Okay," She whispered. Slowly, Donna started moving up. She sat, cradled by Harvey, with her head on his chest. Her eyes seemed to glaze over and she stared straight ahead into the wall.

"Donna?" Harvey asked nervously, "It's okay. I'm here," He hugged her tighter into his chest, but she kept staring. She didn't return his embrace, but she didn't reject it either. That was okay. He was going to be there for her. He was going to hold her until she found herself again.

"Hey guys," Addison walked in, pushing a wheelchair and holding a clipboard. "I brought the discharge forms." Harvey nodded at her while Donna turned slightly towards Addison, smiling weakly. The doctor placed her clipboard on the bed and moved closer to Donna, bringing out her stethoscope and touching it to Donna's chest. "How are you feeling?" She asked, concerned.

"I'm okay," Donna responded softly, trying to breathe deeply in and out so Addison could listen to her heartbeat.

"Your breathing is a little shallow for my liking," Addison frowned, "I really think you should stay for another day, at least." The doctor began taking out the wires that were attached to her patient.

"No," Donna answered, "Let me sign the forms." She brought her arm up to point at the clipboard. Addison sighed, bringing the forms to Donna's lap and placing a pen in her outstretched hand. She pointed to five areas where Donna should sign.

Shakily, Donna pressed the pen to the paper, signing her name slowly onto the sheet of paper. She leaned back into Harvey after having signed three. He covered her hand with his, gripping the pen and signing together. She was weak and he was strong.

"Okay," Addison looked at them, full of worry. "Here's the wheelchair. Call me if anything happens alright?" She pushed the chair next to the bed.

"Will do," Harvey answered, helping Donna move closer to the edge of the bed. Donna looked like death had warmed over; her face was pale and her lips colorless.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Addison asked, kneeling before her friend.

Donna nodded, "Just a little dizzy. I'll be fine." She grasped for Harvey's hand and slowly sat up properly. "I'll call alright?" She was clearly dismissing Addison, so the doctor waved goodbye and left the room.

Donna let out a breath and slumped against Harvey, pressing her forehead against his chest. He rubbed her back softly, "Are you sure you want to go?"

"Yeah, give me a minute," She looked up. He kissed her gently on the lips, making her feel invincible. He moved behind her, sitting with his legs hanging over the edge of the bed and wrapped his right arm around her petite frame. She leaned into him. Sluggishly, she used her hands to lift her legs across the edge so they hung down, ignoring the pain that shot up her body.

"Donna, where does it hurt?" He asked, noticing her wince and tremble against him.

"It doesn't. I'm fine," She brushed him off, placing a hand between her burning thighs.

"Donna." He covered her hand tenderly and she winced. "What's wrong?" He knelt down on the floor before her, covering her knees with his hands.

"I'm fine," she choked back tears, "It just hurts a little." He covered her cheeks with his hands, resting his forehead against hers. "Okay," she gave in, "it hurts a lot." She took a deep breath, "But it's okay. Let's go." He kissed her hair and proceeded to pull out her sweatpants, sweatshirt, and slippers: all of which were once his.

He took off the Velcro on the back of her hospital gown and pulled a sweatshirt over her head. He kissed her again, on the neck. He kneeled in front of her again and inserted her legs into the sweatpants, lightly pulling up. He hesitated, what if something happened? The hospital was the safest place. She had already started inching towards the side of the bed; her feet almost touched the ground. There would be no way to convince her otherwise, they only way to help her was to support her. He held her right hand tightly, "I'm right here for you." She wrapped her arms around his neck as he tried to avoid moving her pelvis while pulling up the pants.

She fell into his arms in searing pain as she stood up, moaning. Gently, he lowered her down onto the wheelchair and watched miserably as she sat, bent over and biting her lips, trying not to cry out. "I'm okay," she finally mumbled, holding tightly onto Harvey's hand and pressing nail imprints into his palm.

"You're sure you want to leave?" He kissed her hand and placed a blanket over her legs before pushing the wheelchair. She nodded, curling into the chair and holding tightly onto the blanket that smelled like Harvey. At the hospital exit, he greeted Ray, his driver, somberly, "Did you get the chair?"

"Just as you asked Mr. Specter," the driver pointed at a nice, brand new wheelchair in the trunk of the car.

"Thank you," Harvey nodded to his driver before turning to Donna. She had curled into herself, embarrassed to be so weak. He touched her cheek, "It's going to be okay." He pressed a hand to her waist, "Let's go home, okay?" She nodded quietly, turning towards him and wrapping her arms around his neck. He helped her stand up, leaning most of her weight onto him. He held the sides of her waist as she lowered herself into the car, scooting inside, waiting for Harvey to scoop her up in his arms again. She hung onto the blanket desperately.

He buckled in her seatbelt, careful to avoid jarring her ribs, then he did his own, placing a hand on her leg. She felt his warm her whole body; she quickly tangled her hand with his and let it calm her down.

After the car stopped, Ray brought out the wheelchair and opened Donna's door. She unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out onto the concrete, not waiting for Harvey to round the car. When he noticed, he ran, quickly catching her as she wobbled, "Are you alright?"

She nodded, feeling the world spin. He helped her as she sat down onto the wheelchair, hugging the blanket to her chest. After waving goodbye to the driver, Harvey pushed the chair into the building, up the elevator, and across his living room.

Donna pushed herself up onto the sofa next to her, whimpering as her pelvis felt the impact. She clutched the blanket against her and squeezed back her tears. He sat next to her, about to pat her shoulders. "No, don't touch me," she suddenly whispered. He was confused, she could tell. He was everything to her, it wasn't supposed to come out that way. She looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes, "It doesn't matter. Whatever."

He reached out to her, kissing her temple as she shivered. "It's going to be okay." He rested a hand on her thigh before running kisses from her stomach down to her knee.

Tears marred her beautiful face as she arched back when he hit a tender spot, "Stop Harvey, Stop." She pushed him back, trying to find a comfortable position. "I'm okay. Leave me alone." She painfully turned away from him, grasping onto the edge of his leather couch.

"No. You're not okay." He moved closer to her, holding her hand, "I'm not leaving. I love you." He ran a hand through her hair.

"Harvey, please stop," she begged, "Leave me alone. I'm not worth it."

He turned her back around towards him, moving her onto his legs and wrapping his arms around her body, "I love you. You're everything. You're worth everything." Her head rested in the crook of his neck, smelling the comforting cologne that he always used. He pressed a kiss to the top of her hand, rubbing her back and holding her. She was worth everything

Beautiful reds, oranges, and purples flooded into the room as the sun began to set on the New York skyline. Donna's sobs eventually quieted and they were left in a peaceful silence as they watched the sun go down on the city that never sleeps. It was impossible to tell where she ended and he began; their arms were entangled together, their bodies inseparable, their lives forever entwined. She sighed, playing with his wrinkled lapel and resting her tired body into his warmth. He kissed her again on her temple, her neck, her lips, holding her close to his heart and feeling the relief that she was still with him.

He gradually felt his legs begin to go numb and he slowly moved her off of him, making sure to hold her hand and tell her he was still there for her. He stood up, kissing her gently on the lips.

She caught his hand and pleaded vulnerably, "Don't go." She pulled him back, whispering inaudibly, "Please. I need you."

"I'm just going to turn on the music, okay?" He ran a hand through her hair and pulled it back behind her ear, gently caressing her face, noticing the red eyes and the dark circles underneath her eyelids.

She nodded slowly, letting go of his hand and clutching his blanket closer to her chest. Music flowed gently into his apartment. The beautiful sound of the saxophone playing from the 1900s inundated her senses and drew her into a kind of peace. She closed her eyes, wanting to feel the music in her body. He knelt down in front of her, resting his head in her lap. Her trembling hand reached down to run through his messy ungelled hair. She touched a finger to his brow and ran it down his face. She bent down and pecked his lips with hers. He smiled and held her hand tightly.

Ella Fitzgerald's lively tune floated into the room, "Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let's do it. Let's fall in love." Harvey joined in, standing up and maintaining eye contact with Donna, "In Spain, the best upper sets do it. Lithuanians and let's do it. Let's do it. Let's fall in love. The Dutch in old Amsterdam do it. Not to mention the Fins."

She laughed gently, watching him having fun and singing like Gordon. Harvey could sing beautifully; she'd always known, but he'd never truly performed before. Gordon would be proud; finally they were together, finally they were in love. That was what Gordon wanted all along, from the first time he'd set his eyes on her.

"People saying in Boston that even beans do it. Let's do it. Let's fall in love." He took her hand and pulled gently, asking if she wanted to join him. She nodded, dropping her blanket and letting him help her stand up. She wrapped an arm around his neck and let him drape his arm around her back, taking her weight. Although she felt stronger, there was only so much her body could take before it folded over; that didn't matter to her. Only that he was there, next to her. She stood on his feet as he moved them around. Slowly he danced and she leaned into him, feeling only love and nothing else. He kept on singing into her ear, "Romantic Sponges, they say, do it. Oysters down in Oyster Bay do it. Let's do it. Let's fall in love."

They went in small circles, moving slowly as the beautiful reds and oranges of the sunset became the calm twinkling of stars and of city lights. Cars ran across the streets like little flashed of yellow and red, nightclub florescent lights became the major attraction of the night. It was truly the city that never sleeps. It was home. Home was with each other, when she could feel him next to her, protecting her and loving her and when he could smell her scent and drape his arm around her, making sure she would stay and always be there, because they needed each other.

She could feel her body about to give in and yield to the pain, but she couldn't let that happen. They were dancing and they were in love. Even though Harvey was supporting her back, she didn't feel stable on her feet. At least it wasn't too bad yet; it was only a little dizziness and some pressure. She kept on going, keeping her right hand in Harvey' hand and her left arm draped around his neck. "I love you," She whispered and kissed his neck, closing her eyes and resting her head on his neck.

"I love you too," He ran his hand along her back. "Are you feeling okay?" Slowly, he inched his warm hand under her shirt and touched her cold skin.

She shivered and moved closer to him, "I'm okay."

He rubbed small circles in her lower back, where he knew she hurt. They swayed quietly to the beat of the jazz. He pushed the sweatshirt down her shoulder, revealing her pale freckled skin. He pressed gentle kisses starting from the edge to her neck, nipping slightly on her ear.

She clenched her fists against his chest, pulling his lapels and bringing his lips onto hers. They broke apart when she clutched her chest, her lungs constraining her ability to breathe; her ribs hurt when he brushed along them. He looked at her, concerned, and she looked up again after a minute, full of love. She kissed him again, pushing up his shirt and scratching into his back as their tongues met in a passionate embrace.

His hand moved down, grazing her beaten thighs. She shuddered, remembering her nightmares. But, she ignored it. This was Harvey. She loved Harvey. Donna kissed his neck, burying her face into his chest, stopping their movement. He cupped her face, "Is this okay? It's okay if it's not. I love you."

She looked up, tears in her eyes, "It's okay." She shakily caressed his face again, "It's okay." He bent to kiss her lips again. She deepened the kiss slowly.

Harvey moved his hands down again, pushing her sweatpants down as he caressed her waist, ignoring the small stretchmark and the bruises on her abdomen. She sighed into his mouth, letting him love her. His hands moved down on her thighs, pushing them apart. Her legs burnt painfully, reminding her again of everything that happened in the past two days. She smiled still and kissed him harder, trying to forget the images. It was Harvey, not anyone else. He slowly pushed her underwear down and hugged her hips against him. She undid his belt and his pants fell to the floor. She could feel his erection against her body. _Oh God. _All she could think of was Steven again and Steven brutally hurting her.

Harvey touched her softly, feeling if she were wet, and her body responded as if attacked, arching back excruciatingly. Her legs were weak. She fell to the floor, painfully hitting her knees against the hardwood. Her back had felt this brute of the impact, already stabbing her painfully. Her ribs cracked again, limiting her to painful small gasps of air. She could feel the tears pour down her face, as she whispered quietly, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Harvey."

He zipped up his pants, trying to cover his erection, thinking of anything other than Donna. _Hospitals, Dead puppy, dentist drills, skinny ties. _He felt like an idiot; she was hurt, he knew better. Harvey knelt down next to her, patting her back gently. "It's okay."

"I'm sorry," she looked up, "I'm sorry I'm broken." He scooped her up into his arms again, holding her and rubbing her back. The gramophone continued playing smooth jazz music as he comforted her.

"It's okay. Are you okay?" He still loved her. He would always love her. "Where does it hurt?" He placed a warm hand on her legs.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. Slowly, she stood up on her trembling legs. Her pelvis couldn't take standing anymore, so she sank down again. He caught her, carrying her into his bedroom onto the bed. "No. I don't want to lie down. I'm okay."

He kissed her forehead as she cried while he carried her. His shoulder was beginning to throb again, unable to take her weight for too long. He brought her into the bathroom and sat her down onto the ottoman for the second time. He knelt in front of her, placing his hands on her knees. She was clad only in her underwear, shivering surrounded by granite. She wrapped her arms around herself.

She looked down, refusing to meet his eyes, "I'm sorry."

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hair. "I love you. It's okay." He turned on the faucet and filled the tub with water and bath salts again, knowing that it would calm her down. She looked up at him sadly.

He walked up to her again, holding her close to his chest. She knew it was Harvey, just Harvey. But, she stiffened still. He released her, and just held her hand. She loved him, she wanted him, but her body seemed to reject it. "I'm sorry," she shook her head sadly, "I'm sorry I can't. I really want to, but I can't." That seemed to break her down again as she placed her head in her hands and cried again. He sat next to her, holding her hand and giving her distance. "I love you too," She held onto him for dear life, wanting to get closer, but scared of her body's reaction.

"Do you want to take a bath?" He asked lovingly. She nodded, reaching to ask him to help her up. He complied, carrying her wedding style. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lowered her gently down on the side of the tub. She leaned into his chest as he undid her bra for her. He lifted her up and she placed her arms around his neck as he pushed her underwear off her thighs, careful to avoid hurting her. He then slowly lowered her into the bathtub and held her hand as she settled in.

She placed a hand on his cheek and pulled him in for a kiss again. She leaned her forehead against his, "Well, what are you waiting for?" She motioned for him to get in next to her.

Harvey raised an eyebrow skeptically, "Are you sure?" Only five minutes ago, her body rejected his touch so much so that it keeled over and beat her down

"Yes," Donna looked up at him, "You would never hurt me," She caressed his face again, "I know that. I'm sorry about earlier. I just wasn't ready." She looked deep in his eyes; "I need you to hold me now. I need you."

"Okay," He answered, kissing her back. Harvey's pants fell to the floor, followed by his socks, his underwear, and his thin white t-shirt. Donna couldn't help but stare; it had been a while since she'd seen it all. "You like what you see?" He asked, jokingly.

"You wish," she quipped, moving aside to make room for him in the small tub. He moved behind her, sitting down in the warm bubble bath and holding her against him. She fit in the crook of his neck, sitting against his sculpted abs. He encased her body, holding her left hand and wrapping an arm around her right side. He kissed her neck and she giggled slightly.

Against the small light coming from the bedroom and the nightlight coming from giant skyline of New York, everything was perfect. The light glinted off her red hair beautifully, and her pale skin shimmered slightly. Her face was raw, without makeup and without any shield against him. They both finally tore down each other's walls. They were finally complete.

"God, You're gorgeous," Harvey finally breathed into her ear after quiet couple minutes of leaving each other to their thoughts. "You're so beautiful."

She laughed gently and held his hand tighter, "I was beautiful," she corrected.

"No, Donna. You are stunning and brilliant and so amazing," He kissed her once every word, "You are the best person I know."

She giggled, playing on with his game, even though she didn't feel beautiful, or brilliant, or even a little bit okay. She purred seductively, "And you," she turned to look in his eyes, "are the most wonderful man in the world." He brushed her lips and brought her closer into his body, cradling her tightly in his arms. Donna let herself be enveloped in him.

Harvey rested a hand on her chest, drawing small circles around her breasts and lightly running along her ribs. She winced, stopping his movement by placing a hand on his and asking for just silence, no movement, no talking. Silence. Together. That was beautiful.

After twenty minutes of peaceful silence, listening only to the small ripples in the water and the nearly inaudible roar of New York City, she had fallen asleep. Harvey kissed her hair and her lips; she mumbled and kissed him back. He sighed and used the showerhead to clean the bubbles out of her hair. Not fully awakened, she allowed him to wrap her in warm towels and put on her sleeping t-shirt and sweatpants. Drowsily, she motioned for him to take her to bed, smiling slightly. He obliged, carrying her across the carpet onto the plush king-sized bed. They lie together; she curled into his warmth as he wrapped his arms around her body and kissed the top of her head. It was going to get better. Donna was going to get stronger and he would be there for her the whole way.

_En Fin_

_AN: That was long; I know. I hope you stuck through it. I really think there's a lot of character development here._

_This is me rambling, but I would love to analyze the writing and discuss it. So here goes: Donna first. She's visibly weaker in comparison to earlier. For example, she doesn't object to having a wheelchair, which she was adamantly against a couple days ago. Donna is kind of in a funk where she would do anything for Harvey and she's trying to want to live, but really everything is weighing her down. _

_Harvey: Everything that happened with Donna being hurt and Scottie being an absolute ass has brought down his walls. He knows Donna is even more precious than before because now two women in his life have betrayed him; Donna is the only one he can truly trust. He loves her, and I think he would truly stay for an eternity by her side. He kissed her first on the shoulder in the almost-making-love scene, but she brought him closer to kiss him on the lips. That leads me to believe that they both wanted it, but her body wasn't ready yet. It'll happen. _

_My favorite part of this chapter is probably the dancing, then the conversation between the two in the bathtub. It's just so serene and normal: back to peacefuller times. _

_Did you guys like the love declaration in the beginning? What did you think of the almost-making-love scene?_

_Reviews are the missing puzzle piece in my masterpiece. :)_

_Love, _

_Shannon_


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